Signs to say WAW woke up?

[dday101798]

Well, another night another failed conversation.

We had to speak over the kids again, we're both losing ground with them. W propses the idea that instead of us spliting them for alternating weeks, we should switch up to one of us having both for alternating weeks. This to me seems worse. That is alienating a parent for enitre 7 days, and also exposes them to OM the same.

W again sparked that she wants to be "civil" and work on friendship building in hopes of resoting a possible R. Again, as delightful as that sounds and I would be more than happy to say the practice has already begun, it can not be taken seriously with OM in the picture.

That then sparked her blame factor again and I felt pushed and disrespected once again. She continues to live in the past o fwhich I tell her that is done. But, she still continued to point out every thing I've ever done wrong to which I agree to the what I accepted and chalked up to what I didn't I did my best validating to date. What a backfire, that left me feeling that I am/was a horrible H and father and don't deserve her back and ended the conversation. She Immediately texted a apology to which I accepted and let her know I was done for the night.

I just simply can't accept the blame for her and OM. She is the one that decided to hop into a R with him. She says she's doing it to get back at me. Well, mission accomplished in abundance.

I think our conversations are still going to keep going around in the same vicious circle for some time. I am doing my best not to get upset and mouthy with her, and didn't do so last night, so at least that shows major improvement and effort on my part. Hell, I didn't even result to my old gloom and doom practice of blasting music and drinking myself to sleep after a blow out conversation, now that's progress! Progress on all sides, mainly in the fact that we aplolgize immediately instead of letting ti fester and carry into the next attemp to talk.

I'm thinking of inviting her and our other son that with her this week to meet me and mine for the week out for dinner tomorrow to discuss this new plan of hers as a group. I'm thinking that if we try this, we shoul meet for dinner or something at least twice a week (Wed &Fri) so as not to cut the other parent out entirely for that long of time. This will also give us an excuse to attempt this civil relationship.

Any ideas, suggestions? Amy??? I really appreciate your imput now matter how it comes off.

[dday101798]

Hmmmm, daily horoscopes:

Mine: "Don't waste time talking, action is required. You know what needs to be done. Check it over carefully to make sure it's exactly right. It's OK to take pride in your work."

Hers :"Old love is the very best kind. If you don't have that, work on your traditions. The tried and true will be the most effective, and the most comforting."

Hope restored.

[AmyC]

I think you're being far more gracious than she deserves.

So you're doing a good job.

Especially in not resorting to your old habits and withdrawing.

Big props to you for that!

I don't personally like the week on/week off thing with the kids but if it works for ya'll, good. I like the idea of the dinners. If she goes for it at all, she might only go for one night, though.

I don't know what else to say.

You got screwed on the house deal and I think they ALL suck for having done that to you.

If your wife keeps talking about wanting to get back together but making an excuse that she's made a plan with OM, out her to him (I may have interpretted that statement wrong, though).

She's playing you both for fools.

[dday101798]

Thanks Amy for responding!

Not sure what you meant by "out her to him". If I'm interpreting that correctly it's file D? If so, regretfully, that is an option becoming more of a reality as you're right, I'm being played, hardcore.

I sent a message last night asking if she had a second or two (being it later at night I figured OM would be there).

She immediately called back and I started off with asking how she was feeling, says she's been sick lately with "some viral thing". She said bad and the phamrmacy wouldn't give her her prescription due to her ID being expired. I offered to go get it for her. She immediately rejected the offer very addimently. Seing I'm the insurance provider this really sparks my curiosity.

I then pitched the idea I had of meeting for dinner tonight and running her idea past the kids as I feel a whole week is too long and we should do a get together once if not twice to let them know the other parent is still around. I didn't mention anything of the 'intnet' to give us a chance to work on the "friends" thing.

She says "are you sure that's such a good idea?". I figured she meant the kids having a imput and I said yes, I'd like to see what they think of it. She replies "no, I mean I can't be friends with you, I'll never be civil with you, it won't work."

So, yeah, kill em with kindness and they still reject you.

Whatever, I calmly ended the talk right then and there with , I don't understand, last night you were begging me to be friends with you and tonight you completely turned that around, so just think about it for bit. I said, well, I just wanted to see how you were doing and extend the offer and goodnight.

No call or anything this morning, why? Because OM's car was parked out front yet again. Seems they have to spend their time together in the day now since her father moved back into HIS house as he and his GF broke up. Rent, moorgage still hasn't been picked up, owell, not my problem.

Had more problems and lies out of son about his make up work not being done from when he was out last week so I'm expecting a call from school as I called last night and gave a heads up that he didn't do all but one assignment. He's becoming more mouthy by the day and I'm losing control of him. Hopefully they recommend a good local counselor for us to see.

Well, that's where I stand at the moment, I try, I get spit on. I back off, I get lies to stay close. This is destroying my kids and she doesn't seem to care. A lot of my friends and I are in agreeance she must have 'graduated' from smoking pot to something harder. She looks like hell, never has any money despite the fact she has no financial responsibility what so ever.

I'm affraid I may just have to let the L do his thing and file for the best interest of the kids. I'm just scared of going that route because obviously since I'm here, it's not what I want and they will probably throw the case out knowing that I'll just be out more money.

So, I'll jsut back off and carry on 'til the next round of lies I guess.

[AmyC]

You don't know that she has "graduated" from pot smoking to something harder just because she's broke and looks like crap. I would stop gossiping about her to/with others, too. It just makes you look trifling.

You have to straighten yourself out before you stand on the porch of your (rented) glass house throwing rocks at her about smoking pot (I'll slam her soon enough ).

So that's as bad a 2x4 as I'm gonna give you.
This morning anyway.

No..."out her to him" doesn't mean file for divorce and I don't know how you even construed that. What it means is make it become known to him that she is playing both sides of the fence sometimes.

The reason she didn't want your help with the prescrip last night is probably because he was there with her or was going to be and she didn't want ya'll crossing paths. As for her comment about dinner...that makes me think he was RIGHT THERE with her and she was putting on a show for him. No more, no less but I'd hold her to it just to teach her a lesson about saying what she means and meaning what she says.

On another subject that is likely to hit a nerve:

How old are your children?

And please tell me why, if she smokes pot and is shacked up half the time with another pothead, do you find it acceptable to give your child (or children) to her to care for for a week at a time when they would so clearly be better of with you full time?

She can get visitation.
One night a week (supervised since she's a pothead) and every other weekend (or whatever variation works for you)

Take back your power.

She has you by the balls and she's the one screwing around.

I'm not telling you to become a jerk.

I'm telling you to put on your big boy pants and be a man.

[dday101798]

Given her tone of voice despite being 'sick' I could clearly tell he was in fact there, I've known her long enough to tell even in this circumstance. When she's alone, I get the "I want to work with you" WAW. When she's with ANYONE I get the "I'm done with you" WAW.

I am working on myself every second I can and it truely shows. Everyone makes mention of how much I am way calmer these days. As for casting hte stones, I don't spark the conversation anymore with W or anyone else. now I get asked "what is she on, she is not herself anymore, she has to be doing something else", I just reply what makes you think so, and after their reasoning, reply that may be, who knows?

The kids, both boys are 10 & 11.

I received a nice visition from the PD (one of many) regarding what I can and can't do after she stormed in the station lying her ass off one day when she found out I'd been speaking to a L about prospects of full custody. So unless I get an order, I have to let it be, she may come get them whenever she wants for however long she wants with out saying a word to me.

I am concidering filing for custody only at the moment. But I am really fed up with games and it is apparent she wants OM, sees nothing wrong with being with him yet married to me, wants to friends one moment and enimies the next, blah blah blah.

Again, I'll back off and see what she comes up with next. I'll just continue to go about my merry way and keep the kids my center of focus, along with myself I know, and go from there.

[AmyC]

I would strongly consider filing for custody if I were you.

If not sole custody, then joint with you having primary physical. And hammer out a visitation agreement with her at the same time.

If she is prone to dragging the police department in, it's going on record and that won't look good for you down the road no matter how "crazy" she is.

[Alliistah]

Hang in there buddy.. I'm thinking about you and your situation and I hope things improve for you.

[dday101798]

If she is prone to dragging the police department in, it's going on record and that won't look good for you down the road no matter how "crazy" she is.

Ahh, but not when they are only logs due to the 'complaintant' filing a false report. I've gotten to be very good friends with the staff from all this and they know she's making things up.

[dday101798]

Hang in there buddy.. I'm thinking about you and your situation and I hope things improve for you.

I'm fine, seriously. Like I told you in your thread, let it roll off. I've become quite adapt to dong just that, that I don't even have to remind myself I mean yeah I vent I'm fed up, but it's just that, a vent and it's not done to her anymore either.