Good luck. I feel like a wolf raised in captivity when it comes to dating. Ugh!
You're not alone there, FLTC! It's a world I feel poorly equipped to enter but I'm just gonna go to this gathering, which sounds pretty decent, and have some fun. I'm not worrying about meeting someone or anything else, it's just one baby step forward for a guy who feels pretty lousy about himself lately. Despite that I'm gonna move forward and let the good feeling catch up!
Good idea. Although like me, you're still "married" in the conventional sense of the word, also like me, you have been away from W for a long time. I think that the key to not being "Mr. Rebound" or looking for just ANYONE so that you can be in a relationshp again is to be truly "detached".
I'm not 100% there, but I am SOOOOO much better than pre-Iraq. You have not had that opportunity for an all-expenses paid "Detachment trip", but you have the right ideas in your advice to me. You don't seem to let her "Snarky" (still love that word!)pierce you heart anymore, nor do you think that every comment you make is a "deal breaker"; the one that will send her over the edge and out of your life forever.
The key is to JUST HAVE FUN right now. Manage you expectations so that there ARE NONE, and you can't go wrong. Good luck!
Y'know FLTC, there's still a part of me that says I'm still married to STBX and whether she is faithful to those vows or not, I should be. That part keeps me thinking that I should NEVER seek out another R but stay loyal to my vows, "for better for worse..." I know I have every right both biblically and as a human being to seek out other R's but there's still that part that says stand by your vow. It's something that has to be worked through, as I said, baby steps! Wow, I hope that doesn't sound too nuts
The bible is filled with marriage and divorce from the old testament to the new. It is we, as sinners, that are doomed to the probability of divorce because we are sinful in nature as humans. But God hates divorce, its laid out all over the bible, and even Christians are plagued with divorce just as much as the rest of the world. But I think if we realize and learn from our mistakes, it is perfectly fine to remarry and have an even better relationship.
I wouldn't get too hung up about it. We had our chances the first go around, and all we can do now is make the second round the final round! I have committed in my heart that if I ever remarry - it will be for life. So let's choose our partner wisely!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I actually had a brief "R" with a guy, about 3 months after X left. I wasn't D'd yet. The guy (I'll call RT), was in the same sitch I was in, maybe a few months farther along. He was actually D'd. But still hadn't let go of his wife.
We actually commiserated about how we missed our past lives, even the possibilities that they might come back! Both of us not detached, so neither of us available to become attached to the other. It actually worked out for me, because I got at least some small validation that I wasn't all the terrible things that X had said I was, that I wasn't destined to be alone forever. It helped me re-establish my self-esteem and was a good distractor. The heavy petting wasn't terrible, either. I didn't care if we went a while between calls. I wasn't looking for deep conversation. And my heart didn't even skip a beat when he announced that he had suddenly moved across the country (I had the original reaction of Oh, well).
I'm not endorsing this to anyone, just sharing my experience. It lasted about 2 or 3 months, then it was done. I didn't start to really look into dating until just recently again - a year later. And it is completely different.
Don't mean to hijack Wii's thread here (but we can lock it later on! LOL) ~ JK!!
Donna, It sounds like it was an innocent R. Glad that you both didn't get attached. Any kind of rebound during a transition period isn't good. It's only when you are healed and feel ready to open up your heart completely to someone new that you will be in a healthy dating R. There is always risk in opening up, so taking things nice and slow is really the best way. We are all veterans here of our past M's and we can take our experiences and apply what we have learned into our future R's. Hopefully you can meet a gentleman that will do the same for you. Not sure about the rest of the people on these boards, but I admire the marriages that last 40, 50 or 60 years and the couples are still in love - that's commitment.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Well, Whatis just returned from the first meeting of the New Christians group and apparently I am the New Christians group! For some reason, I just fit in so well! Anyway, I had a nice long talk with the group leader and we are going to continue to meet and have some discussion each week. I'm also invited to another group she holds on Sunday afternoons where there will actually be other people besides her and I! She mentioned a man in the group who just separated from his wife this summer and who was trying to have the same kind of co-operative parenting arrangement as I have with my STBX. So, maybe there's somebody I can be a help to...you never know! Hey, if I go to this Sunday afternoon group I'll be missing football...what was I thinking? Well, I guess we Christians all have our own crosses to bear, some heavier than others
TiVo and go. Never live your life around a tv set (or at least that's what I tell my kids every night when they have to do homework or go to bed and they just HAVE to watch 5 more minutes!!)
Hope the group works out. Maybe you can print up some fliers to put around some Christian bookstores...?
