I went to C tonight and it was fantastic. Her council was to work on myself. She explained a lot of where i was which in turn explained to me why i was not Dbing correctly. My H is like ____ and I am / leaning into him. It is the contrary human nature. You want what you cant have and it is dictating my behaviour. A healthy relationship is equal and both standing side by side. Mine is not healthy because i am leaning in him so I have to get back up on my feet. Get upright. To do this:
1. He cannot come to my home anymore uninvited. I have to change the locks and create a safe enviroment for me and kids.
2. I cannot change the locks in punishment etc it has to be because as an adult I am entitled to my own space. I understand this.
3. I have to talk to him when I am ready and lay out the boundries and ask him to respect my silence until i am ready. He can email once a week, say Wednesday and I will respond. We name a day so that I am not constantly looking for emails. I need to organise someone to go and do my work for him at the business until I am healed.
What I did not do today was see personal trainer. i have not really eaten since Saturday , so she would not train me under nourished. Otherwise i accomplished my goals.
Tomorrow I will continue silence ( not ready for talk yet ). I will go for a walk. I will go to work. I will catch up with a friend.
I still have nasty thoughts swirling around and around. Apparently the more i do for myself the stronger and more upright I will be and regardless of whether M dissolves or H comes back, i will be in better and stronger place.
Look forward to feedback and other helpful tips to stop these crazy imaginative driven thoughts. I need to STOP thinking about H.
