Trying2Live-Post #3

[Trying2live]

Texasmom,
I know exactly how you feel. There were days during the summer that I hated my H too, but something within my heart although In my head wanted to give up, I couldn't do it. Only you know what you can take and for how long. Each of us has tolerance, some short some long. There is no pressure to decide and I think when someone finally told me that it was like a relief. H was still giving money to the kids and I so I really didn't need to make any decisions.
So I decided to GAL, 180 and to try to continue to live and not focus so much on H. It's like the whole world rotated around H and what was he going to do and I just needed to live outside that world. Another friend said when in doubt, don't do anything, so I didn't. I wanted to be able to make a sound decision off of wisdom and the best choice for me and NOT make the decision about my future bases on my emotions. Emotions are what started this whole mess and I didn't want to do anything like it. So I waited. I'm now approaching 7 months on the 23rd of this month-I made it you guys!!!! If you would have told me I'd even feel ok at 7 month I would have told you to take a hike, but I made and I promise you will to.

Now if anyone would have said to me 3 months after all this happened that all this would be happening today(Plan A the SAA book-H coming around spending lots of time good conversation and even him having sex with me 5 times and cheating on her) I would have told you that you are a complete nut job. Sometimes although its the last thing we want ladies, time truly is our best friend. I still have NO EXPECTATIONS on the way he may go after I implement Plan B. But I know that I gave it my all, I am very pleased with my Plan A I have put out and pleased with the results and can walk away if necessary at a date of my choosing with clear conscience. I will implement my Plan B on Nov 22nd and I am hoping emotionally to make it to the 1 year mark which will be April 23rd. When that day arrives if I don't feel to go on longer then I will make a decision but everything I have read so far is to put off all major decisions for at least a year.
I am dreading Plan B because its so nice to have my H around and he's kinda the man I used to know but a choice has to be made and I am ready. Yes its going to hurt, he will not be here on Thanksgiving and 2 weeks later my 19 year anniversary and then Christmas and New Years. I prolly will cry and I'm sure have some down moments but I know I'm going to be okay.

I don't really advise the dating condom thing to shock him, for a few reasons. 1. is that its still pretty early in the whole thing and he's still really in fogland so it doesn't really matter what you do. 2. It explains in some of Willard Harley's books about Love busting and I think that being dishonest would be love busting. We don't want to love bust we want to make deposits. See the Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley for more about what I'm talking about.

I know he may seem done, but I would hate to say for definite. Yes there is always that chance he is. Look I thought in August mine was so done since the dummy moved in with her(and still lives with her) but look how things have shifted just a bit. Yes my H is going to have to make a decision and maybe its not going to be me, but at least I will be able to rest in knowing instead of what if'ing because I pushed myself to make a decision because of the circumstance. I know how bad it hurts for you and for your kids, I still watch my son cry, just last night in fact and it made me cry because he wanted me to convince his dad and I said I cannot do that. So believe me I understand. But if you even have the littlest desires to reconcile then limit the contact as much as humanly possible right now. IF you continue to have bad interactions with H you will deplete your love bank(explained in the SAA book) it won't matter if he does come back because you will have so depleted your love bank you will hate him.
You see you guys limiting contact and detaching somewhat for a small season is also to protect the love that you have left in your love bank that is for your spouse. The love bank is getting depleted rapidly because of the A so that's why I say reduce the negative emotions and as little contact as possible. you also can find it in the SAA book an explanation of the love bank.
Remember there is no reason you have to make a decision right now.