Is this a mid-life crisis?

[techguy]

Hey Bettou,

It seems like a high percentage of your posts are really focused on what your husband is or isn't doing. But the true essence of DB'ing, especially the LRT is to focus on yourself. The <only> way to get your husband back is to improve yourself and catch his eye. You can't beg him back. You can't convince him back. As someone else said: Words don't matter.

So let's see some posts on how you are improving yourself. Have you lost weight? (many LBS lose a ton of weight... I've lost 52 pounds in three months). Are you seeing an IC to improve your mental state? Are you seeking appropriate medical treatment? (I started anti-depressents and it was a huge help). Have you changed your hair style? Have you bought new clothes? Change your glasses. Don't have glasses? Go get some, just wear them for fashion.

My C once told me that wooing the spouse back was like a job interview. You need to present yourself as strong and capable. Never, ever come off as desperate. Desperate interview candidates never get the job.

Changes don't even have to be directly related to your spouse. Sometimes just being 'unpredictable' is enough. Your spouse didn't find the 'old' you to be something he wanted to stay with. So you need to convince him that you are a different person.

I stopped drinking Diet Coke. My wife and I were raging caffine addicts. My W found out I stopped drinking pop and was totally shocked. Does that make me more appealing? Probably not... but it is just 'different'. These little things are stuff you can sneak into those occasional emails. They are small enough not to seem like pursuit, but they are little things that show your husband that you are changing.

For example, if he sends you another email about the stress at work... you could reply: 'I totally understand about stress. I've actually given up Diet Coke. The caffine just raises the stress level'. So you validate and show a little change.