My 29 year old wife going through MLC, this sucks

[fisherman]

Focus on you dude. Like SIR says if she is pissing you off your not there yet. practice and paitience, it WILL come. Its when you love her from a distance and you do not LET her control your emotions. Patience... You will know when this starts to happen.

You will feel so much stronger and confident about yourself. I know you can get there, I KNOW it.

[BSC]

SPM. As always your messages have a great impact on me. As far as her staying in the bedroom, it has more to do with the fact that her room is needed for our guests. She has made it clear that I can tell my family we are having problems if I choose to. She even said she was going to sleep on the air mattress in our room but it has gone missing. And trust me I looked everywhere so as to let her follow through on it.

I guess if I look back on the situation with myspace I would probably say much of the same things. However I would not have seemed so annoyed by it. I wish I had said it more matter of fact and calm. I have indeed practice how I would handle myself if she were to admit of a PA. Or admit that she is having the EA I already know she is having. I do this at least once a week to be ready for that bomb if it drops. Knowing that I can handle that conversation has helped calm me down overall.

Today, my emotions have been up and down but I am calming myself down for the night ahead. I am not pissed off but more like "whatever", bring what you want I can handle it. But putting this into action is always harder than I think. Luckily she has things to do tonight so we can not have the uncomfort of not knowing how to be around each other. I will spend the time with my kids, the weather is beautiful today and they will the driving force for me to remain the rock of a man I want to be.

thanks again.

[Jeff3]

Hey BSC,


sorry I haven't stopped by over te past couple of days. I have just been catchigup with your thread. I feel yopur pain and know how exausting it can be. The practicing how to handle things is a great idea. Any kind of mental prep will help you avoid getting sucked in to the wirlwind of the R topic. She will see a man in control!
when I recently comfirmd that she wa having a PA I was surprised how much better I handled it because of this forum and the divorce busting mentality.

Sending you positive vibes from Canada,

Jeff

[BSC]

Hi Jeff and thanks for the positive words. I have been following your thread and you are doing great. I hope I can be as strong as you are if I confirm a PA. You are much stronger than you think. Seems like we are not to far away from each other. Positive vibes back at you from Buffalo, NY.

[Jeff3]

Go Leafs Go

[fisherman]

Hey,

I know your thinking about that wierd post a bit a go. Keep thinking about it. worth another look.

[SirPrizeMe]

Today, my emotions have been up and down but I am calming myself down for the night ahead. I am not pissed off but more like "whatever", bring what you want I can handle it. But putting this into action is always harder than I think.
I know exactly what you are saying here.
In my opinion, this is where the fight for your marriage is won and lost. The good intentions - I had this too. And d4mn you are right about how hard it is to put into action. But this is where success is determined.

I don't have any secret weapons for you, for maintaining control of your emotions. Just lots of encouragement. Do whatever it takes. Meditate. Read books. See a guru. Workout to exhaustion. Take drugs. Get creative. Whatever it takes to stay cool.

[Dawn of Hope]

BSC,
The type of conversation you had about MySpace is pretty normal for these paranoid MLCers, I think. My H went ballistic when I mentioned that I had looked at his phone, about a month before the bomb (never bothered him during all the years we were doing okay in our R). He has also accused me of "stalking" OW, which is ridiculous, as the most I ever did was to look her up on MySpace and such--have never contacted her or done anything to hurt or sabotage or scare her, not even when we were in the same room for the first time this past weekend (see my thread if you want details).

I think their guilt makes them justify their actions by accusing us of doing the same stuff they are doing. Although that's not 100% universal...I don't think my H would believe I was having an A unless I told him or he had some other source of proof--I think that even in MLC fog, he knows darn well I would never do that.

Anyway, this isn't supposed to be about me...SirPrize is right--do whatever you need to do to deal with your pain in safe ways, where she won't see the evidence of it. There is a reason they always talk about the MLC roller coaster. You will have good days and bad ones, and you have to figure out what helps you to get through the bad ones. If you're going to go through with this and DB your marriage, you have to dig deep into yourself and find resources that you had no idea you possessed, and also look for support and help outside yourself wherever you may find it (as long as it's healthy, of course...drowning yourself in a bottle is not going to help, nor is having a "revenge" affair!).

Don't be afraid to go on ADs, or ask for help, or seek out a group or a spiritual advisor. Oh yes...if you can scrape up the money for it, I can HIGHLY recommend DB coaching...get 3 sessions if you can afford it, it's well worth it, and the follow-up really helps you feel more confident that you are on the right track. I've had 6 sessions with Jody, and it's been worth every penny, and when I get more pennies I will have more sessions.

Take care of YOURSELF...what are you doing today for fun??

Peace,
Dawn

[fisherman]

i F you B elieve you may bump into Lola

[BSC]

Not much to say anymore. I have a good friend staying with me now that happens to be the mother of my children. Maybe we will reconnect someday, maybe not. Not sure if I care today.

I am teetering on true detachment, and I really hope I get there soon.

Thanks all.