I want to be married to Dan, I want to spend time with Dan, and I want to feel free to express my love to him/have fun with him/enjoy the time we DO spend together, not spend it arguing/bickering/complaining. (No walking on eggshells)
I got pi$$ed when he wasn't off the fence. I reacted by going to the lawyer. Then he reacted by looking up a house to live in....I think that is how some divorces happen. Once person ups the ante, then the other sees and raises, and a few steps later, its a divorce. I think that is the cases of divorce they talk about where both spouses look back after the fact and say/think "WTF just happened? How did we go from 'you don't listen to me' to 'We are divorced'?"
I have read on the D forums here, lots of people who say in hindsight, either they or their spouse believed they moved to the D more quickly than they should have. Often people regret it later. Mike, Kerry, I know you guys feel the D was/is right for you, and I am okay with that, too, whatever is right for you.
But I know I was going to the L more out of sheer frustration than anything else. I wanted to 'divorce' myself from the way things stood in my M....
And I know that was the catalyst for this mess. When I told H I didn't know he would go looking for a house, he said "I didn't know you'd go looking for a lawyer..."
Then several other times in the past two weeks I was the one making comments about splitting up assets, sharing the kids, etc. H would actually say, "We are having a good time, why are you bringing this up now?" So I know Dan has NFC but I also know he is capable of calling a lawyer and filing if he wants to. And I know he could move out if he wanted to, he did it before...
Also, getting back in our bed when he was out of it for 2 weeks was HIS choice. Kissing me goodbye this morning was HIS choice. I didn't make him do either of those...
Maybe I am rambling, my S6 is continuously prattling in my ear about his turn on the computer so I cannot think very straight right now...
Point is, H was the d!ck who said (yelled) that is was OVER a couple weeks back. But he did say later that he regretted saying that. I have been poking the lion with a stick the past few weeks and wondering why he is getting agitated? Best way to tick off a lion is to keep poking him...
Anyway (great now S6 is humming the scooby doo theme song in my ear, no wonder I can't think straight!) I guess what I am saying is I do NOT like the direction I have been taking the past couple weeks. When was I happier? When I was doing things that made me happy and not focusing on Dan's every move and word 24/7. I started doing that after the night he raged about hating me...
I don't like that BBJ. She is annoying, no matter how much fun H and I would have in an evening she would have to say something stupid about a D and sabotage herself...
So I am going to do what I want. Focus on me, the kids, my night class, THE ELECTION!!! Get back to happy.....
