I think you had gotten off to a good start, actually. I liked the part about being pretty cute! But, you needed to drop it then. Of course he is scared, and so are you! The difference, in my mind, is that you have had time to think about this with a clear head, to think about what you want, and the path you think needs to be taken. He hasn't had this opportunity (or at least hasn't taken it, I suppose would be more correct). So, he is coming from behind. Leaving him alone while he is gone might give him an opportunity to catch up. He is just now starting to see what he is risking. It's stupid, but I don't think he saw it before. Give him a chance, BobbiJo, I really, really, don't think he wants to be done!
Hey Bobbi... I see you going into overdrive also and wonder why dont you do what Jeff always advised me to (wisely)... DO NOTHING.
Stop panicking, threatening to file, asking questions, throwing pillows out into the hallway, pushoing him to tell you you are cute...? Just relax, do nothing, wait and see. If you keep pushing, you may just push him to do something he himself isnt happy with, but its better than the frustration and turmoil he is in and sees you in. Can you be calm? Can you be an oasis!? Can you lovingly detach? Let him be?
I lnow he's being an *rse and its frustrating, but just step back, maybe reread some of the DB/DR advice, work on your patience?
I guess we are all doing gentle 2x4s here! Let some of the angst subside?
Thinking of you, you are on the speedy bit of the rollercoaster! Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Now I loved the "cute" part! You used it at the perfect moment. That's what's so hard at the beginning, but you aren't at the beginning, you know, BBJ, you know.
No one can make Dan happy. No one can make BBJ happy. You know this. We are responsible for our own happiness... hmmmm, we create it. Where did I hear that?? LOL.
Those fairy tales were lies and we should all get together and sue someone! We were duped, I tell you! LOL. No one lives happily ever after. They create happy, every day of their lives. The end of the fairy tale is just the beginning of life.......... but hey, riding off into the sunset all the time would get kind of hard on the butt and rough on the skin, ya know? OMG, you guys really should come over and help me finish that keg of Abita, I'm getting all kinds of philosophical.
Went for a run to clear my head. Picked up the kids and took them out for supper, why not?
Got home and H had called the house for us, left a msg. that he was on a layover in Denver. H said he wouldn't be in LA until 9:30 our time, so wanted to talk to us...
I called back, let each kid talk to him. Gave him a quick summary of how school went, things S6 is improving on (teacher said he is super duper smart/gifted but noisy and not the best listener!), etc. He sounded pleased, and in fact said, "That's good!" I talked to him for only 3 or 4 minutes but was very upbeat and light and kept the subject to the kids and to his traveling.
I am back on my happy trail, I have been off it for quite a while now but I am getting my perspective back....
I am not sure who that lady was going to the lawyer. I think it was the one who DOESN'T want a divorce? Crap, I think I may have caught the NFC/AOMR virus. Good thing I caught it in time..........
BBJ..what do YOU want?? I'm trying real hard not to be an ass here but you have me so confused I don't know what YOU want?? Right now?? I know before you wanted time from Dan..just you and him, then you laid down an ultimatum more or less when you threatened action..Figure out what you want. You in this or out?? Riding the fence does no good..Stop worrying about Dan..WE/YOU/EVERYBODY knows Dan has NFC what he wants..he tells you this..he will not know until he gets help and sees someone..IMO..
I posted to you over on my thread...about the outer banks..
hell we cross posted...
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 11/04/0801:02 AM.
I want to be married to Dan, I want to spend time with Dan, and I want to feel free to express my love to him/have fun with him/enjoy the time we DO spend together, not spend it arguing/bickering/complaining. (No walking on eggshells)
I got pi$$ed when he wasn't off the fence. I reacted by going to the lawyer. Then he reacted by looking up a house to live in....I think that is how some divorces happen. Once person ups the ante, then the other sees and raises, and a few steps later, its a divorce. I think that is the cases of divorce they talk about where both spouses look back after the fact and say/think "WTF just happened? How did we go from 'you don't listen to me' to 'We are divorced'?"
I have read on the D forums here, lots of people who say in hindsight, either they or their spouse believed they moved to the D more quickly than they should have. Often people regret it later. Mike, Kerry, I know you guys feel the D was/is right for you, and I am okay with that, too, whatever is right for you.
But I know I was going to the L more out of sheer frustration than anything else. I wanted to 'divorce' myself from the way things stood in my M....
And I know that was the catalyst for this mess. When I told H I didn't know he would go looking for a house, he said "I didn't know you'd go looking for a lawyer..."
Then several other times in the past two weeks I was the one making comments about splitting up assets, sharing the kids, etc. H would actually say, "We are having a good time, why are you bringing this up now?" So I know Dan has NFC but I also know he is capable of calling a lawyer and filing if he wants to. And I know he could move out if he wanted to, he did it before...
Also, getting back in our bed when he was out of it for 2 weeks was HIS choice. Kissing me goodbye this morning was HIS choice. I didn't make him do either of those...
Maybe I am rambling, my S6 is continuously prattling in my ear about his turn on the computer so I cannot think very straight right now...
Point is, H was the d!ck who said (yelled) that is was OVER a couple weeks back. But he did say later that he regretted saying that. I have been poking the lion with a stick the past few weeks and wondering why he is getting agitated? Best way to tick off a lion is to keep poking him...
Anyway (great now S6 is humming the scooby doo theme song in my ear, no wonder I can't think straight!) I guess what I am saying is I do NOT like the direction I have been taking the past couple weeks. When was I happier? When I was doing things that made me happy and not focusing on Dan's every move and word 24/7. I started doing that after the night he raged about hating me...
I don't like that BBJ. She is annoying, no matter how much fun H and I would have in an evening she would have to say something stupid about a D and sabotage herself...
So I am going to do what I want. Focus on me, the kids, my night class, THE ELECTION!!! Get back to happy.....
Crap, I think I may have caught the NFC/AOMR virus. Good thing I caught it in time..........