I think there's a fine line between recovering from hurt and lapsing into the victim role. I plan to stay on the recovery side.
Very easy to play victim! But it feels 'ucky' after awhile, doesn't it? I know for me it does. I want to be a survivor!! We can do this.
Funny about the snow tires. And yes, xH asked me the other day for a hat of his (he couldn't find it). He actually said "Oh did you want to keep it?" (because he signed a piece of paper saying everything in the house the day of the D was mine). I couldn't believe he thought I would keep his hat, out of spite. Silly men.
Oh, Gyp.....good to hear about the singing. I know that feeling, when it all comes together. It must be the same thing when your team scores in the last seconds of a game, breaking the tie. I can remember being in a competition, when we all were transported to this other place - it was magic. And after a few seconds of silence, following that final note that ended in perfect unison, we all started jumping up and down and yelling! The judges couldn't even fault us for that...
Hold onto moments like that, hon....
I promise that the pain and hurt will fade, so slowly in time that you won't recognize it, like watching our kids grow. Then suddenly, one day, you will stop in your tracks and notice that the pain is greatly diminished, sometimes even absent, and you will wonder, when did that happen?
Took a whirl in the jacuzzi.. first time in ages. Water hot then warm and swirling. The steam wafted blurring the sky, allowing peeps of twinkling stars. Bare tootsies wiggling out of the water warm to cool the heating body.. surfacing and bobbing.. enjoying the flotation au naturale... gentle, pulsating, soothing, quiet.. the stars, me, lingering as muscles relaxed, tensions drained...
The moment where warmth turned to heat then discomfort.. standing to cool then slither back in to stand again. Drinking ice cold water, sighing with contentment. Toes pointed leaving the pool of calm to close the top. Casting off heat in mist of vapor.. dancing light and twirling round watching the wake of my movements as the cool air dried the body heated better than any thick luxurious towel. Wandering in house quiet, child sleeping, wrapped in towel til heat eases to total relaxation then bed.. snuggled warm and warmed, stretched, sighing gentle with sweetest smile to sleep.
Why would I want a "Jacuzzi guy" when I was content to just enjoy the moment.. all of it.. the candle flickering, the stars and sky, the breeze.. floating and/or being buffeted by jets..
Such an individual would have flipped me out. It was great having 'me' time.. just me. Skipping the bathing suit was fantastic. It's so much easier to get dry!
Perfect weather for it. I recently saw a special on a holocaust survivor who completely forgave her tormenters. She said unless she did that, she would go on being a victim for the rest of her life and that she did not want to live life that way. It's a blurry spectrum between victim and a hurt/betrayal cocktail however.
Now that I'm a regular with choir, I'm starting to get to know some of the folks. A few people have followed me over to the Gregorian chant class so we chit chat more. One guy and I joke by screwing up each other's names.
It's neat to learn about singing from folks who have been doing it most of their lives.
Part of the day was fantastic. I joined a new gym that has lots of classes, committed to my health by signing up for a personal trainer (since I know myself and my weenie-oscopishness) and felt good about it.
Talked to my lawyer and found out that spouse cut back the interim payments to the equitable (not equal) distribution of his paycheck as endorsed by the state of CT. That cuts back on what I can provide for the kids. Is it putting the kids in the middle if I direct them to their father for the extras?
Equitable versus equal is so strange. From the beginning everything was joint.. bank accounts.. everything. We were joint partners, each providing for the family in specific ways. Now with the divorce, the agreement that I would stay home with the kids based on a long term commitment to marriage is null and void. I am no longer an equal partner. He's the guy with the job who deserves to keep the larger percentage of what he makes. From a lawyer's perspective.. I did a noble and precious act by being home with my kids while my spouse supported the family but hey.. it was a good ride but now it's reality.
Go figure.
I was in a tizzy, upset and crying.. because it seems unfair. It's life. I don't have to like it.. but I'll be in an okay position, just way below the lifestyle I was used to. Ah well.
The night in the jacuzzi sounds fantastic! At some point you will definitely want to share that moment with the right guy!
I hear yah about the lifestyle change! My ex and I lived like Rock Stars for 5 years... now we live like roadies!!
Oh well.. what was once built can be built again. Enjoy the challenge!
Based upon your posts, you sound like a lot of fun and you definitely have an awesome sense of humor. Once you are ready.. you will have no problem meeting a great guy.
