God grant me the patience and the strength...8

[theotherhalf]

Help me all to not be reading too much into this...to not be having expectations...to be still...

Fri. night H was here when I got home from work AGAIN. Him and BIL. We had a fire, and just hung out for the evening. H ended up getting pretty drunk and pissy. He ended up going home and I was just fine with that. He called me twice after he got home and asked me to come in. I told him no. Let him ramble, did not get pulled in and that was it.

Saturday was my birthday. Last year I got a phone call that was it. This year H was here at 11 am. He asked me to help in the fields. Started combining. We did that all day. The guys hung out with me awhile when we got done. H asked me to ride into town with them to go to another BIL's. I was pretty leary. It has been over a year that I have been in the same vehicle with H when he has been drinking. He'd only had a couple of beers but was worried about later. I said "ride with you?" he said, well you can drive. " I said, I don't care, I guess". We sat in there for an hour or so. Then H asked if I was ready to go. We got into the truck and he said "it's your b-day, what do you want to do?" I said, "I don't care". He said, "no I don't want to hear I don't care, what do YOU want to do? Head for CR, IC, where ever you want". I felt like it was a test to see if I could come up with something spontaneous and fun. I failed. It was 9:30 pm, we are flat broke, had only a 1/4 tank of gas. I came up with nothing...so, we drove around the gravel roads for quite awhile. We listened and sang to country music. It was marvelous. The song came on "the man I wanna be". When the part came "I'd like it if you would roll with me" H reached out and took me by the hand and held it. Drunk or not, it grabbed me by the heart. We came home, talked, laughed, ate, and laid on the living room floor to watch a movie and both fell asleep. It was a wonderful birthday...

Sund. we spent the day combining. H even asked me to ride in the combine with him. When we got back to the house he said he should go home. I was making supper. He asked what I was making. He said it sounded good and asked if he could stay. I said of course. He stayed till going to work. While he was in the shower his phone rang. It was laying on the coffe table right in front of me. I looked at it. It was restricted. I knew right away who it was. When he got out I told him he had a missed call. He ignored me. Like he knew right away who it was. I told him again. He said "who was it" I said "it was a restricted number" he said "hm" went around the corner in the kitchen and said "wTf does she want" I said, what he said "wTf does she want" I said "is that who it was?" he said "well I imagine if it was a restricted number" I said, "that's what I figured". I didn't say any more, he didn't either. When he left I told him thankyou for a good weekend, that I really enjoyed myself.

This morning he came again after work. We moved machinery to field, he said thank you and went home. Was going to stay but needed some things from home. Tonight he is combining and I see he has clothes in his truck....

Hmmm....????