Well vitually all of the men's relationship manuals paint the same picture. When a man loses his sense of mission in life and self-esteem, it forces his wife to make up for that in the relationship and masculinize herself, which de-polarizes their sexuality and, hence reduces the attraction.
My wife told me once, that when I don't respect myself and value myself, she feels compelled to treat me like sh*t.
Act like a doormat and people will treat you that way.
My wife told me once, that when I don't respect myself and value myself, she feels compelled to treat me like sh*t.
Act like a doormat and people will treat you that way.
--Theoden
Wow, how nice of her... Although, I don't think she is alone. I think that is the normal way of thinking for the WAS/MLC/Alien/whatever you choose to call them.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
My wife told me once, that when I don't respect myself and value myself, she feels compelled to treat me like sh*t.
Act like a doormat and people will treat you that way.
--Theoden
Well, I'm a reformed doormat or trying to be! I just think normal people or healthy people won't treat you that way. Doormat or not, I treat everyone the same way (not that I'm normal and healthy). Don't you think these are dysfunctional unhealthy people that would treat people like they are a doormat if they don't have lots of self-confidence? I mean that seems to be how it is in my life anyway.... Also, I wonder sometimes if a person is being treated like a doormat or like sh*t, then that person probably does lose their self-respect, confidence, and PMA b/c of that!
Don't get me wrong working on my self-confidence and trying not to doormat has been good for me, but I certainly don't think that entitles anyone to treat someone like sh*t. Karen
In some sense all LBS tend to lean toward weak, needy, dependent behavior, and the WAS takes advantage of that.
On the other hand, I think acting like a victim/doormat almost invites people to treat you poorly. Not that it's right, or that cruel behavior is ever justified, but it seems that unless we all clearly lay out out boundaries, even well-meaning people will get used to trampling us.
Friends have noticed the dynamic in our marriage long before the crisis of the affair.
I think, in addition, it's not attractive to women to be around men who act like wimpy wussses.
Well vitually all of the men's relationship manuals paint the same picture. When a man loses his sense of mission in life and self-esteem, it forces his wife to make up for that in the relationship and masculinize herself, which de-polarizes their sexuality and, hence reduces the attraction.
My wife told me once, that when I don't respect myself and value myself, she feels compelled to treat me like sh*t.
Act like a doormat and people will treat you that way.
--Theoden
Well, this is an enlightening thought. My situation is different in that I got left, and H never lacked for self-esteem, but he definitely didn't take a role of responsibility in the marriage, which forced me to, which set up a whole different dynamic. I always felt like his mother in a way, which didn't make me feel like his lover for sure.
And I'm here to testify--folk will kick you when you're down, they will walk on you if you act--or even feel--like a doormat. It's the way you carry yourself, or the vibes you send out--the subtle body language we're not even aware of.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
[quote=theoden] And I'm here to testify--folk will kick you when you're down, they will walk on you if you act--or even feel--like a doormat. It's the way you carry yourself, or the vibes you send out--the subtle body language we're not even aware of.
I've seen that too, but my thinking is that these people in some way are not completely healthy. I am maintaining my boundaries and have regained my self-confidence, but it's still almost a continual effort with my H to prevent him from being rude and treating me like a doormat anyway. I don't think a healthy R should be that way,not so much work all the time to prevent yourself from being hurt. Karen
Well, this is an enlightening thought. My situation is different in that I got left, and H never lacked for self-esteem, but he definitely didn't take a role of responsibility in the marriage, which forced me to, which set up a whole different dynamic. I always felt like his mother in a way, which didn't make me feel like his lover for sure.
You might like to read some of the works by David Daeda. His premise is that there needs to be healthy masculine-feminine polarity in a relationship for the attraction to remain. Some of that means male leadership and direction. A woman should feel able to relax into her husband's strength.
Quote:
And I'm here to testify--folk will kick you when you're down, they will walk on you if you act--or even feel--like a doormat. It's the way you carry yourself, or the vibes you send out--the subtle body language we're not even aware of.
Yes, there is something to be said for traditional roles. Everyone knows what's expected and what they can count on that way. In my experience, too often the wife ends up with additional responsibilities and has to be the husband and the wife. I wonder if this kind of thing will ever balance out, if the pendulum will ever swing back toward center?
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I just think normal people or healthy people won't treat you that way. Doormat or not, I treat everyone the same way (not that I'm normal and healthy). Don't you think these are dysfunctional unhealthy people that would treat people like they are a doormat if they don't have lots of self-confidence? I mean that seems to be how it is in my life anyway.... Also, I wonder sometimes if a person is being treated like a doormat or like sh*t, then that person probably does lose their self-respect, confidence, and PMA b/c of that!