New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

Not much to report from last night. I got a lot done while she had kids from 10-3. Called to see if ok to stop by house so kids could use bathroom. Said didn't know if I was busy or alone. Said I was just working on paying bills. She came over with kids, then walked to nearby park for kids to play. I had to seed the lawn. Came back, made dinner for kids - asked if I wanted anything but I wasn't hungry. Got done & watched sunset from backporch swing. Started thinking about how happy I was, trying to find it in my heart to forgive my father & started to cry. Just sat watching sunset. W was watching me & didn't interrupt. I came back into house wiping tears & she said kids were in bath. I asked if she would wait to leave until I took a shower.

Part of D mediation was to pay off her 3 credit cards. 2 are store charge cards but 3rd is a MC that is all but maxed - $1000 credit limit. Told w I paid it off for her since I know how much she is stressing about not having money to pay her bills. She can use the card to help pay bills until she starts getting income from her job. W was a bit stunned & managed to say Thanks. She kissed kids bye & left.

Called her a couple hours later on accident. Told her that I hope she didn't leave due to my crying. It had nothing to do with her - was really just thinking about myself. She said she didn't leave because of that - just very tired - & that she appreciated my explaining myself.

W late this morning to pick up kids - very apologetic. Ask her if she wants some coffee - she doesn't have a cup - no problem. I go inside to make her a cup using 1 of my tumblers. Bring it out to her & she asks if I can load her mom's carpet cleaner into back of her car. Load it for her, say bye to kids & her - get a very enthusiastic THANK YOU from her. Just smile back & say your welcome.

Got phone call at work from her. Asks if her cousins kids can come over tonight - having cake for D9 birthday. Tell her of course they can come over - the more the merrier. W then proceeds to tell me about park she took kids to - 1 hr drive from home. On way back to drop her mom off & then will be by house at 5:30. Mentions March AFB museum she saw from highway & may want to bring kids there but didn't look open & had no idea what it cost. Googled it while on phone & told her it was closed on Mondays, kids 4 & under free & she would be $8. Said I had to get back to work.

Really feeling great about myself today. I know the paying the credit card can seem to be pursing & enabling. I figured out that in reality I was refraining from paying it off as a way to control her - keep the financial pressure on. I just wanted to do the right thing & help. No way am I going to give her my money but this was the one way I could give her some sort of financial aid. No expectations. Just peace of mind that I am doing the right thing, taking the high road & feeling happy. That is what it is all about now.