Just on the swollen leg and the bug bites...I was traveling through South America when I was 21, and got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Like you my legs were really swollen, not pleasant!
However you have so much else going for you now :). Anyway I know that you know that. You're doing great! Hang in there and keep your eyes on the happy marriage that you're working to build.
Hope you're having a good day!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Yeah when I lived in Guatemala I got eaten alive there too! Not good times.
This is apparently some weird type of staph infection. Ugh! I have to go on two kinds of antibiotics for ten days. I'm waiting for my prescription right now.
I called hubby to let him know and he sounded kinda annoyed. I know it is not at me but it still bugs me when he gets all pissy. So I just got off the call asap and am going to ignore him for awhile. If he wants to talk, he knows where I am.
I just got out of my IC appt and am kinda feeling discouraged. We talked a lot about my "boundaries" and expectations for the marriage and it didn't go very well. She thinks it is unreasonable for me to set boundaries on the marriage and sees it as treating my husband like he is a little boy instead of a grown man who can make his own choices. I said I did not want to let him run around and do whatever he wants and become a doormat. She basically said that if he is not ready to give those things up (staying out late, being one on one with other females, etc) and I am uncomfortable with them then I married the wrong person.
WTF! After all this hard work and things going so well. I'm really aggitated. Not at my hubby but at my shrink. Why would she say that? Doesn't she understand how far I have come? I'm not going to give this up. Ugh.
My homework is to have a conversation about his commitment to the marriage and about what makes it different than a boyfriend/girlfriend or friends situation. And whether or not he still has doubts about it and would rather live the single life. Of course he still has doubts! I still have doubts! But that is marriage for you.
I understand that I need to try 110% to not be his parent and to be his wife and I am trying so hard and for her to say all this just makes me feel like I have nothing to show for my work and I'm feeling discouraged. Then she brought up that my hubby has not followed through on his promise to go to IC and that shows he is not commited.
I asked him about it when I got done and he said he would after he got a job. I asked why he couldn't start now when he has time to schedule it and he said maybe. I am frustrated that he isn't going yet when my 6 sessions are almost over. But I don't think it says he is not commited, he is just not doing it in my timeline. Does that mean anything? Is there something wrong with that?
Sigh.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel down and kinda angry all at the same time.
On a happier note hubby came over yesterday and we had a great day togehter, I can't remember the last time we had a more perfect day. Same old stuff. The new thing is we are learning to communicate a lot better, especially about finances because we are trying to sort out how to spend/use/save his enlistment money that will be coming in soon. It's nice to be included in these conversations as his wife. Lots of fun and laughing and joking and some more good R talks and future talk. It all feels like it is coming together and I'm sure that once he gets his job things will snowball and happen really fast. I just don't like being in limbo right now.
As for the IC session I am frustrated but I do understand what she is saying it just makes me upset to see how many changes I have to make and how much I will probably have to compromise to make this thing work and I do sometimes (even still!) wonder if I would not be better off with someone more like me and who holds the same values I do. I love my hubby more than life but I do not, cannot, cycle through this process again and again. It is vital that we get these issues nailed down before we move in again. I just have to figure out a way to do it without coming across like a mother or teacher but as a wife. Why is that so hard to do?
I don't know. I have a lot to think about I guess.
I am sooo sorry about the IC session. I personally think that is some pretty lousy advise unless she was trying to get you more riles up to fight for your M, like reverse psychology??? Maybe???
I mean she does have some good points about you making sure you are acting as a wife and not mother (I have the same issue )
I think that now that the idea has been put in your head about H not going to IC is why it is bothering you now. Ignore it, listen even though he is not going now to IC does not in any way mean he is not working on the M!! Look at his actions, he is discussing how to spend the money when only a month ago he was talking about spending it on a European hiatus. Some people just don't like counseling and he might only be stalling hoping that you guys are going to be able to work it out with out him going.
Please do not get upset about words that were said but keep looking at all the positive ACTIONS that are being done.
I've calmed down and eaten lunch and feel much better now. Lol. The power of a good panini!
I texted hubby:
I'm not trying to pressure you. But it is a commitment you made and I don't understand why you keep putting it off ya know? But it's okay. I trust that you will go when you are ready.
Hubby texted back:
I just try to finish one project before moving on to the next because otherwise I won't finish anything.
I replied:
Ok Bebe. That's fine with me.
And it really is because at least he is communicating with me instead of getting defensive and upset. So many things have changed in our relationship since the split and things are going so well for us, possibly better than when we were engaged. So even if he waits it does not matter to me. The timing will be right when he does go and it will all work out. I'm certainly going to drop it. He is a good man and when he is ready he will go, just like I said. I'd rather him focus on getting a job anyways because then I can move away!
I'm just a firecracker and when something happens I respond instantly but when I take a step back and think I usually realize that there was no reason to get so nuts in the first place. My six sessions with IC are almost done and in a way I am glad. I am learning a lot but each session I am seeing her thinking is way different than mine and just because she is a professional does not mean she is right 100% of the time, she is still human. So I will glean what I can for now and then move on.
As soon as he gets his job then we will be finding a place, we've already started looking actually.
I really still can't believe how happy we are. We have both said we are happier now than we were when we were engaged (because all we did was fight then too. . .sadly)
This is a fantastic success story Daisy! You should write a letter to Michele.
It's great to hear how good things are after recommitting and making it through all of this turmoil. It's also great to hear that your H is admitting to being happy too. It sure takes a long time to get there, but sounds like it's all worth it!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
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