Yes, I would like to fly off to some remote place on this Earth and hide for about, oh, I don't know, a month??
The only hope for this to get back on track is for me to just back the He!! off and focus on BBJ and her kids.
I do not trust myself at all right now. I swing back and forth on my moods and decisions. In one moment I am ready to run to the L and file just b/c I said I would, if H couldn't commit.
On the other I want to run far far away and not talk to H anymore, just give us both time to breathe
On the other I want to tell H it is okay to be scared, I am scared too,but that doesn't seem right, either...
B/C I don't know what to do I feel like I should just do absolutely nothing........
OK to be honest as Mike from Tenn has challenged me to do,
Part of me, when thinking about just being happy, upbeat BBJ, feels like I need to somehow SHOW that to H. Let him "catch" me being happy. But then that is not "real", either.
I want to put some distance between my thoughts and my actions, slow myself down from veering from idea to idea/thought to thought/plan to plan like a pinball in a pinball machine...
The only thing I am sure of at this moment is that I will not call H b/c I am not able to think and focus clearly at this point
(I have visions of one of you guys stepping up and slapping me like in the movies, "Get ahold of yourself, woman!!"
