I think I may belong here.

[MT35]

K- YES YOU WON!! It was a great game, I had a wonderful time even if we lost. The rum runners helped! I was dancing and yelling the entire time. Never got to see Chuckie really, we were 36 rows up, so not as close as the other tickets we got that are 4th row. We have one more set of those from ebay, that we go to on the 16th. would love the weather to be as nice as today. 78 and sunny! I was sweating!
I understand the F'd in the head, boy do I. Living the whole F'd up life! I am sorry you have to deal with this too. Sometimes I wonder if he is home what we are going to talk about, especailly if he is in a funk, then all I get is one word answers. Just don't get it! I know we will never get it.

[kelaaron]

If I ever get back on the alt universe, I'll put the pics up from training camp and fan fest. I've got really good ones from about 3 feet away. Any yes, he always sounds angry even when he isn't yelling. I miss Tony Dungy cuz I think he had way more integrity but I just love Gruden's enthusiasm.

No guys we will probably never get it. Yesterday was full of apologies from H for everything, especially dragging me into his confusion. His exact words. As upset as it made me in general, what really got to me was that for the first time in years, I actually felt like he had a clue what he was apologizing for (me hurting), that he actually meant them, and how sad/upset he really is. Oh, here's a funny, Sat night, we were standing next to each other, while he was trying to say something but refused to look me in the eye, I had to look up to see his face (I'm a whole foot shorter than H), when he finished, I said I think I'm shrinking as I seem to be having to tilt my head further to see your face. H said "Well, you are getting old." I kindly reminded him that we both were (I'm only 3 months older than him). So as I have wondered before and have received some confirmation, I think we are just about out of replay and into the depression/withdrawl phase of this thing. I'll tell you, if this is it, this is harder than the other crap.

I am in a much better frame of mind today though. I went to church yesterday, it was healing and message day, and even though I've never been to this one before, I decided to go and meet some friends. So I received a healing, which I needed (no not like you see on TV, where the person is touched and falls over), just some prayers said over you, and I felt lighter. More like having your aura cleaned if that makes sense. And I was one of the few who received a message. I knew I would, my guides had revealed that to me earlier in the day which is why I decided to go, and it was calming, reassuring and nice to hear that things are getting better. It was kinda funny as the spirits described me as the mole in the wack-a-mole game for the last many months, and when I think about how I've felt, that is the perfect way to describe it. But that is ending and things are improving for me. Which is wonderful. It is so nice to recieve confirmation about things that you already feel or suspect. I am working on things that I have put to the wayside for so long and it is nice. Also getting ready to register for the spring semester (boy when I finally graduate, they will have to give me 3 degrees because i get so close and then change majors). So.......

[AliSuddenly]

ey Kelaaron.. you really made me laugh there!

"He is f****ed up in the head. That is the bottom line"

Funny. Ok, not funny, as it is your life, but it came out funny. Wow, your day yesterday sounded interesting. I didnt post on my thread about it, but I too got a message, that basically I am psychically connected to my ex (which I always believed and you mentioned this to about that Venus-Pluto stuff etc) and also, that I had more power to effect him and his thoughts than I realised, even at a distance. There is a connecton, as twice now, I have been about to hit send and I got an email from him there and then. Then this morning, I got my phone out and looked at it, I just knew.. and then, a minute later, his text arrived.

I thikn its positive that your H is starting to vocalise his confusion and regret more...perhaps that means he has been processing it and owning it internally and has got to the point of being able to begin to speak about it. My ex already went through depression (and might still be) so I am not sure what stage he is in! Ow stage, at least. No idea!

We're all in such a strange boat hey.

Ali x

[jame38]

K
I think its a good thing that he is telling you he is sorry. Dont know whats next, my W had already went thru that stage, and now this. So what about the stars?

[kelaaron]

Guys, the stages aren't completly independent of each other. When they are in replay (when there is OP, spending, stupidness), they can still be very depressed. That is why I'm not so sure yet exactly where we are but the OP seems to be gone and the spending is improving. Either that or he is hiding it very well and my guides are lying. (Which they don't do)

Ali, yes there is supposed to be a psychic connection with Venus/Pluto, and we also have some other things that indicate one. Sort of funny cuz, I have recently felt H was reading here or somehow hearing my phone conversations cuz I would think of something, then he would do it. I was probably sending him the messages without even knowing it. Or receiving what he was thinking about. I too know usually when he will text or call and even know if it is good or bad before I look at it. Always have. I just have to be more careful right now, as I have been opening my channels to my guides a lot more but I haven't been keeping them closed to him. I only want to send to him what I want him to know. Actually I don't mind you seeing the humor. That was an honest feeling that I have and it is kinda funny. I too am learning to see the humor in the whole thing.

Just sit back and see what happens with BF. I believe we are all in turning points right now, personally and globally, and big changes are coming. You can do it. I don't know if you want him back or not but I believe the possibility exists. You also know that Leo's are in for a very rough ride right now, so this is your time to be there for him if he reaches out and shine!

[kelaaron]

I really like this.


HOW TO LIVE LIKE A DOG

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

[1hope]

Kel,
I love that poem too. I have seen it before, but lost it. I'm going to copy it this time. Thanks for sharing.

Sounds like you have been doing a lot of processing yourself. I like your state of mind. Don't worry too much about H's feelings after you guys have sex. He's confused. He has spent a lot of time trying to convince himself that he doesn't love you, cuz other wise how could he have hurt you like he did? A good guy doesn't do that to his W. It sounds like his head is starting to clear a bit, but it doesn't happen all at once. The good thing is that you guys are once again becomming close.

I read your comments above about Leo being in for a rougn time. I am a Leo. You had asked about my H, he is a Libra. I don't know if i can handle another very rough time anytime soon.

[kelaaron]

Actually for you it might not be so bad. You aren't confused. Unless you have a lot of deep rooted issues you haven't dealt with yet. Otherwise, it is going to be more for decision making. Things coming into focus. So keep that in mind. I'll check on Libra and see what the month has in store.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Kel,
You may already know this.. but you're post about your H saying on Sunday that he was "confused" seemed significant to me..

so I checked his chart for you, and he's having a major transit of Neptune (for those reading - confusion, being in a fog) EXACTLY opposite his Mercury (the mind) right now!

It went direct on Sunday and he was able to tell you what his problem has been, right! Its now gone over his mercury for the last time, he's been having a triple transit since last year, so this 3rd pass is the RESOLUTION... it will now move off and away. It does reverse again next year (May - Novemberish???) but it doesnt get as far back as his Mercury.

Anyway, for someone having a Mercury-Neptune opposition transit, he could have opened any astrology textbook and come up with the tagline "confusion" ! bless him. So.. think he will be coming out of the fog slowly now.

My ex already has had his Neptune-Mercury transit, hes been past that for a few months and has a tonne of bad stuff up ahead.. he's already into a major nasty Pluto square Venus and Pluto aquare Pluto, the classic MLC, transits and heading into his Neptune opposition to his Sun (which your H has already had, as he is an early born Leo) and then, a Saturn conjucnt his Venus next year.. not looking pretty!

Anyway, thought it was interesting the timing of his confusion statement.

I dont know anything about guide stuff, but I've been trying to 'reach' my Grandad, a Piscean who died about 15 years ago. Also, I do want him back, yes, but I'm trying to let go of him, if thats what he wants me to do.

Al x

[kelaaron]

So many people think the guide stuff is so hard. It is if you can't quiet your mind. But we all have little voices in our heads that aren't ours. I used to get everything in dreams, though I was crazy, just having wierd dreams when I was younger, but then I started seeing my exact dream on the news a week or so later. That is when I really started paying attention. A lot of people talk about meditation. I do not do that well at all. I tend to fall asleep. These past couple of years, I too have been influenced by the fog of H and the fog of MIL and my mind was way too busy to hear anything. I kept having these great thoughts or ideas but couldn't do anything about them which just made me more depressed.

In the last few months, I have had time to myself again. I have been listening to the inner voices more. As I still am not 100percent that they aren't just my ego or conscious telling me what I want to hear, I have had two readings with two different psychics whose abilities I totally trust. Confirmations galore of what I was hearing myself. I only have luck reaching my family in dreams. Otherwise, to reach them directly, I have needed help. My uncle finally came through in one of my recent readings (I have only had 3 in my life). But I do get my grandparents a lot in my dreams. I just pray my nightly prayers and then I ask them to come to me. If I have questions or things I want to know, I tell them while I'm awake, and I usually get the answers while I'm sleeping. Sometimes I just want to see them. So yesterday I needed more confirmation just because I was down. The message that I received in Church yesterday was perfect and just what I needed to hear. (metaphysical church)

There are some great sites on the internet that can help you to reach your guides. Just google spirit guides. Some are paganistic, which I don't like but the prinicpal is the same.

Thanks for the more detailed info on my H. I thought that he was starting to process more but I wasn't totally sure. Priya Kale has been so on with what has been going on with each of us it is almost scary. I will tell you, my H would never open an astrology book for anything so at least the way he defined what he is feeling is going through his head. LOL.