Just think about the fact that the biggest issue you have at the moment is where you live. This was a massive point of contention for my H and me too, but I would live anywhere on the planet now, in a heartbeat, if I were given the opportunity that you have. This doesn't mean that I think you should be a doormat and do whatever he says to do, but the fact that the city is only an hour away makes me think that you could make it tolerable if you needed to, even if he did get sent away...Plus, it sounds like there is still a very good chance that you won't move there at all.
Focus on the ILY, the future talk, the ML, and all of the other nice things that you have at the moment. It sounds like your H is also having some realizations of his own, so even with all of his talk about where he wants to live, he may back down if he sees how much it upsets you...
I think you are doing brilliantly, and I'm so glad that things are working out, and that your H is learning about how to be more considerate too. Soon enough you'll be in the position where things are more equal between the 2 of you. It's just a process that takes a lot of work, but from here on out at least you know you are both headed in the same direction :).
Enjoy your weekend!
ITH
Last edited by istherehope; 10/31/0805:17 PM.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Daisy Daisy Daisy I am so Happy for you!!!! It sounds like things are going really good!!
Yes there was a mini 'fight' but you know what there are going to be arguments, no relationship is perfect, the great thing is that you knew how to handle it and did not let it get out of hand.
My personal opinion about what the fight was about: Is there anyway to find a happy medium, like a town that is somewhere in between where you live and where he lives?? So that way you are only 1/2 hour from your family and he is only 1/2 hour from his friends??
The other good thing is that he is also doing 180s so it is not all on you which helps to make it so much easier also!!!
Good Luck....of course we are going to keep checking up on you!!
I was thinking about this issue all morning and when I called hubby this morning to answer a question he had texted to me I told him that I would be willing to move if he had a good job, we could rent a house and not an apartment, and that we could commute to the church we both like which would be 45 minutes away. I said that if this was really about not wanting to leave his friends then I didn't want any part of it but if he honestly thought it would be better for us as a couple then I would trust his decision and do what he wants. He said ok and that he was going to look into things. So at least that is semi-resolved.
I'm going to continue my job hunt here for now since I need a new job now. I am going to call back about the job I interviewed for on Monday since it will have almost been a week and the lady gave me the business card so I could call. I might try tomorrow actually. If I get a job here first then we will have to talk about it again but for now I'm going to try and let him make plans for us and follow his lead. It will be better that way and there will be no resentment. It might even work out for the better because if he gets a nice job there then I would not have to work full time and could spend more time writing which would get me closer to my goals. That's what I need to do now. Write my goals out like I said a week ago. Oy. I feel ADHD sometimes!
Ok that was a lot of babbling. Moral of the story I am happy, he is happy, life is grand!
After I finished my post last night I checked my email and had one from the people I interviewed with last week and it's a no. Apparently my schedule does not work with their needs or some such nonsense. Oh well. I texted hubby to let him know it didn't work out and he said sorry. I said I was fine but frustrated. I said I didn't know what to do next and he said "apply more" and I was like "where? Here or there?" and he told me he would call his unit on Monday to talk to them about a job I guess. I like that we are problem solving as a couple and that I didn't have to nag him to call people. It's nice for him to take initiative. I think it may be true about how when we drop the rope they have to pick up the other side. I think it is a good analogy for controlling wives (or ex-controlling wives! ) because we seem to think they can't do things on their own but then when we let go they pick up the slack. It's nice to know.
So I am irratated about this job hunt. I'm so anxious to get out of my parents house before they make me insane and my current job just gave me 6 days to work for the entire month of November. . .not sure how that is going to pay my bills. . .ugh.
Don't worry some how some way you will figure it out. I guess in a way that it is a good thing at the moment that you are staying with your parents as it hopefully eleviates stress about paying rent. You will find something soon and be able to start over with your H. Just keep positive!!!
I'm really trying. Today has been rough. I have massive bug bites on my leg and it is swollen and I haven't been able to sleep, I am PMSing, and I had to pay bills.
I know it will work out somehow, someway, I'm just really drained right now.
But things are wonderful with hubby and that really should be my main focus anyways.
I hope I do not come across as ungrateful on these boards. I am happy for how far things have come and I know I have a future to look forward to. It's just the day to day frustrations that are eating away at me right now.
I think our biggest problems in life is that too many of us focus on what we don't have or can not control at the moment. I personally was having ALOT of financial problem after the Seperation and I stressed about it all the time to point that I was getting sick over it and losing alot of sleep. It also felt like the more I dwelled on it the worse the sitaution became. As soon as I came to the realization that at this point it was out of my control and not something that I was going to fix over night everything started to fall into place. I got the job at IKEA and started to get more and more hours from them and there is talks about a raise at my #1 job now also.
So yes focus your energy now on what you can control starting your marriage over and being happy!! Everything else will fall into place.
I will take your advice and just focus on my marriage, my friendships, all the good things in my life. I am going to trust my hubby to take care of this madness, as he says he is going to. If I get all stressed and crazy it will seem like I don't trust him to sort things out. Truth is I do trust him to get it done, he just does things slower than I do. He is laid back and does not easily get stressed which is a good thing but it also means he does not have that "get it done now!" drive that I have. So I will be waiting. I am staying home from work today because of my leg and will apply for more jobs online both here and in the town he wants to live in. Then I will spend some time praying and journaling and will try to just let it go. You are very right, there is no reason for me to stress and make myself crazy.
I hope your leg feels better. Wow those must be some really crazy bugs you have!! LoL I can't even think of bugs now as it is getting so cold here already.
Good luck with the continued job hunt and I hope your leg feels better!!
) because we seem to think they can't do things on their own but then when we let go they pick up the slack. It's nice to know.