KenF- The best advice I got about dealing with this pain - and the impossible intensity of it - was to feel it, take deep breaths and let it go - crying - hell, weeping - is so very necessary to let this pain out - don't hold it in - just wait until you are alone - and let yourself feel it and release it - there's no other way - the pain will feel just unreal - believe me, I know it all to well...lived it all too much over the last couple weeks -but you have got to experience it to let it go - and then there will be a calm that might surprise you - and that calm will start to last longer and longer, give way to smiles, give way to emotions and thoughts about yourself that maybe you hadn't considered up to this point...
It's the pain of being free, KenF - it's the pain of dropping the hold on hopes that maybe were built on the wrong foundation - it's the pain of having to pull back into yourself so completely that you understand that it's up to you now to fulfill yourself - and to be there as the best man you can be to your daughter. Despite how horrible it feels - despite the deepest belief that might grab you that tells you this pain will last forever...it will not... and you will heal...and you will be stronger.
Our muscles get stronger when we make little tears in them and they heal - so too will your heart. This tear is huge, painful, and real - and it will heal and you will find yourself being Ken again - the Ken that was consumed and overcome by that last few months of confusion and sorrow. You will be fine, Ken. I know you will. Just be sure that after you cry, you reach out - don't isolate yourself and let your pain become your reality - feel the pain - but turn to those that love you and can offer you the most support - they want to - they need to - and you need their love.
Be strong. Let yourself feel the pain. Reach out. Heal. You will heal, my friend.
