I'm struggling with what to say. I think DBing in the truest sense would probably say quit forcing this issue....but I keep thinking that you have to play this out. You can't keep up with the, "well then, I'm getting a lawyer." without actually getting one.
I'm not sure he will actually get off the snide unless he's losing you. Can you let him know that he's losing you? Can you show him detachment? And can you show him the best possible you so that he knows what he's losing? Can you start the D process rolling even if he lets it go through?
This is hard. It could actually be that he wants you to divorce him. Maybe he struggles with pulling the trigger, but would be happy if you did. I don't know.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
This is hard. It could actually be that he wants you to divorce him. Maybe he struggles with pulling the trigger, but would be happy if you did. I don't know.
ding, ding, ding.
we have a winner.
Dan will hang in for as long as he can I think. He wants to hold onto the family unit but does not want to put the work in to save the M..
If he was gonna file..he would have filed a long time ago..
You say he isn't going to file, or he would have already.
Then WTF?
Why come BACK TO OUR BED after being gone 2 weeks? Why KISS me this morning? Why say "I am thinking" when I ask why he is coming to bed with me?
If H wants a Divorce...
Then, when I say, "I am not happy living like this. I am going to a lawyer", why not say
*OK, if it is what YOU want (he'd get the D but make it MY fault, win/win for him)
or say,
*OK fine (he got what he wanted, he won)
or say
*Hallelujah! (if he REALLY REALLY wants a D)
I just don't understand his brain......I just don't see why someone who wants a D would drag his feet like this. Even if he didn't want to be the one to file, then why do things to throw me off once I have said I will file?
Dan needs help. He need IC. He has no idea what he wants. All he knows is that he isn't happy.
Not to keep coming back to it, but he is a drowning man....
tell it all Woog..tell it all..
Dan does not have a clue. He does not know what will make him happy. One moment he thinks playing house makes him happy, the next he thinks being out of the M makes him happy.
Focus on Jesus and not on Dan. I am just passing along advice that was given to me a bunch of months ago by a business merchant who's shop I bought my truck cap from. I really valued the long pow wow I had with that gentleman. I got the cap plus a copy of Purpose Driven Life thrown in to the deal. I need to keep reminding myself to properly focus on our Lord and Savior and He will make sure the right and prudent focus will be placed on my darling.
Then, when I say, "I am not happy living like this. I am going to a lawyer", why not say
*OK, if it is what YOU want (he'd get the D but make it MY fault, win/win for him)
or say,
*OK fine (he got what he wanted, he won)
or say
*Hallelujah! (if he REALLY REALLY wants a D)
Hopefully my wife won't read this. There were times when we were first going out when she'd say I wasn't on the same page and she'd say, "I can't do this anymore". And part of me would think, "that's okay. It's hard doing this long distance thing. I'm not ready for more. Maybe this is for the best." I knew I'd miss her. I knew she was a good woman. But I thought maybe it would be for the best. If she harped on me to get off the snide, it made me wonder harder is staying broke up was better. It was super annoying.
I get that sense from your husband with his, "I'm thinking." I wonder if he's thinking that this is the easy way out, but worried that it's a mistake, so he won't commit. Perhaps he's so undecided he wants to put you off for a bit with sleeping in the bed and a small kiss, just enough to give him more time to consider the best option...should he commit, or should he let you file for D.
Honestly, who knows. But I do think you are going about it the wrong way. If saving your marriage is still the goal, all this harping about needing to know where he's at is helping him make a decision that you are more trouble than you are worth. You either decide that you'll ride this out, whatever it is, and quit forcing him to be the husband you want, or you push ahead with your divorce plans and mean it; only allowing it to be derailed by an extraordinary effort on his part to save the marriage. You are somewhere now in anti-DB land and need to move to one side or the other, both of which are at least some kind of DB effort.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
