Snodderly, he took the baby photos with him when he moved out. Happy Halloween to you to and to all my DB friends!
So JA is at it again.
Today S7 had a halloween parade at his school. JA showed up which was fine, he didn't see S4 and I during the parade. Then after S7 went back to his classroom for his class party and S4 and I waited outside while he finished up his last half hour of school so I could pick him up.
JA saw us then and came over to S4. S4 was ignoring him at first and was clinging to me. So JA took it upon himself to make himself look like a jackas$. He started doing stupid things like trying to climb a tree, walk along a wooden wall, and sit on the top of a bench all in hopes that S4 would follow what he was doing and then he could play.
Finally S4 did start to play with him and then JA proceeded to make even more of an as$ of himself. He would throw himself on the ground acting like S4 knocked him out, etc. I was mortified for him. All the other parents were looking at him like he was mental or something. I think he is. He looked like someone who belonged on meds.
Then S7 came out and we started to walk to the car to go home and JA followed us as his car was near mine.
We got to JA's car first and he opened the door and told the boys to hop in.
I said to him "What are you doing? It's my weekend. They belong with me"
JA: I am taking them to the upstate house (he refuses to allow the boys to call our house their home).
Me: Um...no you are not. It's my weekend they go with me. Why are you even going to the house?
JA: So I can go trick or treating with them.
Me: It's my weekend not yours.
JA: So? You don't get to tell me what to do anymore!
Me: If it was your weekend you wouldn't allow me to go trick or treating with you guys.
JA: You don't know what I would do.
Me: Yes I do (this is the same guy who would not let me to to any of S7's boy scout events if it fell on his weekend)
JA: YOU ARE A BITCH! I HATE YOUR GUTS! (he said something else but I just pulled the kids along with me to leave).
As the boys and I were walking back to our car, I could tell S7 was about to cry because of what his father said to me.
I told him it would be ok, and Daddy should not of called me that. I also told him that I was sorry he had to hear such things and I explained to him that since it was my weekend we were going to go trick or treating together.
S7 said he wanted to go trick or treating with me. I told him that Daddy is not always nice to mommy (he's seen it himself) and I didn't want to fight with Daddy so it was better off if he didn't come. I think S7 agreed.
When we got back to the house JA was there. He stayed outside and I finished getting the boys ready for trick or treating. I did not know if he was planning on going with us or not.
The boys then went outside for awhile with their Dad.
I went out there to tell them it was time to go and JA said to the boys, "Hey, let's hide under this bush!" He proceeds to hide under a bush and tells the boys to come under with him. The boys didn't budge. He said "Come on!"
Then s4 said "We are not supposed to go under there." (There are cactus plants I have near it so I don't want the boys getting pricked)
JA: Said who?
S4: Mommy
JA: Don't listen to Mommy and her nonsense!
(Ugh! Again, he always says that to them)
I told the boys it was time to go trick or treating and then JA said "Ok guys, give me a hug goodbye! I gotta go before Mommy calls the cops on me for wanting to go trick or treating with you guys!
I ignored him.
What is he doing to these boys? It's sick! He's sick!
If he was a nice person to me I wouldn't mind letting him tag along but he is nothing but nasty to me and I don't need him tagging along just so he can treat me with such disrespect. I don't need it and neither do the boys.
While we were trick or treating he called my cell but I didn't answer.
He left a nasty tone VM saying "TELL THE BOYS TO CALL ME so they can tell me how much candy they got."
I hate that he put me on the spot in the first place with just showing up and thinking he can take the boys trick or treating. He never even asked me if it would be ok.
Secondly, like I said, if it was his weekend he wouldn't allow me to go trick or treating with them as he would want to take the ow instead.
Doesn't he get what divorce is? These are the consequences that go along with it.
He doesn't get to have the best of both worlds.
He wants me to give give give but he gives nothing in return.
I don't even feel threatened with the fact that he said he hates my guts. A year or so ago I would try and do everything so he wouldn't hate me and it got me no where so now I don't focus on it. If he wants to hate me so be it. But I think he hates himself more.
Also the boys and I came home during trick or treating to get a bite to eat. My Dad is up and S7 didn't want to go for another round so he stayed with him to hand out candy. I took S4 out again.
When I got back S7 ran up to me and said "Mommy I missed you so much!
He looked so sad I asked him what was wrong. He started to cry and said "I just want you, I just want you..." over and over again.
I think his feelings hurt for me by what JA said to me. He doesn't want JA to call me such names.
If JA wants to call me names, fine then. But doing it in front of the kids is not right. They don't need to hear such verbal abuse.
Mrs. H, I am so sorry you have to deal w/ such abuse...and that is exactly what it is. Not to keep comparing your sitch to mine; but, it is written in our custody papers that exH and I are NOT to speak negatively of the other in front of the children, nor are we to allow anyone else to do so. Luckily, my children are old enough that I do not have to say anything to them, they see for themselves. It seems that your sons do, too.
There HAS to be SOMETHING that can be done to put a stop to all of his horrendous behaviors! I feel so bad that you and your sons are having to put up w/ his crap. What an a$$!!
Please check into this. Be sure to keep a journal of all the things he says and does, even his showing up when it's your time w/ the children. Document, Document, Document. You never know when you may need it!
I do so hope that the rest of the weekend is peaceful for you and the boys!
Mrs. H, Document everything he says or does. It's very important and Deb gave you excellent advice about the documenting as well.
No, he doesn't get what divorce is all about. Most of them don't when they are in La La Land. It's all about them, for them and what they can get. There is no sharing when it comes to a MLCer. Yes, he looked like a mental patient in front of the parents and students. I feel for you because you are the ex of that man. The parents are most like thinking to themselves...it's a good thing she's not with him right now.
I'm glad you stood your ground with him about Halloween. Now, no more explaining about the roles of each of you when you have the children. He's been told time and time again. Just walk away w/the children and leave it at that. He loves to push your buttons and the way he's doing it is beating you down, just like a spoiled two year old to get what he wants. He's going to have to learn that when it's your time w/the children, he does not interefere and when it's his time, you do the same. (Which you've been doing.)
I'm very sorry he's acting like an utter butt about all of this, but it's going to be a very long time before he figures out what his rights are (if ever). Stick to the visitation schedule and do not slip on it in any way.
Please try to enjoy your weekend with the boys. They really do feel badly for you and your son 7, is feeling very bad about the way his father talks to you. You may need to pay a little bit more attention to him this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have nothing to add except he really is the most disrespectful person I have ever heard of. He crosses a huge line when he bad mouths you in front of the kids. There is no excuse for that and he is only hurting them.
He called to talk with the boys, they didn't want to talk. He then asked me if S7 was going to religion class tomorrow. I told him that I wasn't sure if he still had it since school wasn't in session but if they did I would probably not send him.
JA: I don't think he should have to go at all. If he wants to get married in the Catholic Church then he can just take classes then and he can get them over in 7 weeks.
Me: He's going to religion classes.
JA: Why? He hates going. Plus he is always tired, he goes straight there on Tuesdays from school. Don't you see the dark circles under his eyes? (um...no) He hates going.
Me: Most kids hate going. I hated going when I was young and so did you but we went anyway.
JA: Well I say he doesn't have to go.
Me: Well since I have sole custody I have the final say and he is going, goodnight. I hung up then.
He calls back right away and I picked up the phone and I said "If you are just calling to scream at me and harass me then please don't call again."
He started screaming so I hung up.
He called back, I didn't pick up the phone.
He then called my cell and left 2 nasty voicemails. I saved them both.
He said the only reason why I have sole custody is because he agreed to it otherwise he would have custody. He told me I was a terrible parent and a gold digger. He also said that I don't really want the kids I just don't want him to have them. I don't pay attention to them, I ignore them, I don't bathe them, I don't get their haircuts (he told me he likes to take them for haircuts, so I let him) I don't clip their finger nails, I don't play with them, etc.
