I have found myself in a game of chicken, I think...
I asked Dan if he had anything to talk about last night, he said, "While I am tired and dirty and just got home from farming?" (9:30 p.m.)
We were actually having a nice time, watching Desperate Housewives together...once again, we are getting pretty good at 'hanging out'...
So I told him that was that, I had said I was calling a lawyer, what more did he expect from me, I wanted a real partner. That I had told him this on Wednesday and he acted all emotional but never said, "I DON'T want a divorce". I added a little, this time I told him that although I don't intend to introduce the kids to ANYONE until they are much older, I WOULD date when he had the kids b/c I wanted to be able to share my love with someone, and receive love from someone. That I preferred it be him, but he wasn't giving me that option...
He basically stared at me/watched my every move after that. I was going around tidying up the kitchen and bath and any time I walked near him he was watching me...
I asked him what he was doing once, he said "Thinking"
Then I went to bed, I had put his pillow back on our bed after he came to our bed Saturday night. I put his pillow out in the hallway for him to use downstairs, and I went to bed.
In the old days I would have pursued, pushed him to talk to me...
This time I just went to bed.
About 30 minutes later H came to bed, in our bed. I asked what he was doing, he said going to bed. I said, Why in our bed, he said "I'm thinking"...
WTF does that mean? AM I supposed to be 'auditioning' at this point? Like I am a candidate for the job of 'wife'?? Geez!
So he slept in our bed all night with me. When he left this morning he came back in to get something he forgot, I was on the stairs. I gave him a look, which was supposed to mean, "So WTF are you doing?" He must have read it wrong b/c he leaned in and kissed me goodbye. First kiss in several weeks...????????
I said are you still thinking? He said, "Yeah". I said, "Well, sorry, I shouldn't be that tough a decision..............." and I went back up the stairs.
Geez!
