Can my 32 year old W have a midlife crisis?

[Dawn of Hope]

Jeff,
The whole finding out about the PA thing is so miserably hard. I do want to suggest that if you are still being intimate with her (can't remember if you mentioned this one way or the other), you make sure to protect yourself. I am not in that sitch, because my H hasn't come near me since the bomb, but many here are. I personally don't think that having sex with your spouse during a time period when they are also having a PA with OP is a good idea, but that is just my opinion, and is a choice for each person to make for themselves.

Well, that wasn't really what you asked about. Should you issue a deadline/ultimatum to your W? Based on my experience, I would say NO. I was urged by several people (my pastor and therapist among them) to give my H a deadline on deciding whether to work on the M and give up OW vs. moving out. I was seriously considering it, because it was tearing my heart to pieces to have him living here while carrying on with OW, spending 2+ hours every day on the phone with her, leaving town every couple of weeks to spend the weekend with her. I thought about it and prayed about it a lot, and the feeling I got was that giving him an ultimatum/deadline wasn't what God wanted me to do. The more time has passed, the more I feel that simply waiting on God's timing, not forcing the issue, is what I am supposed to do. The only people who have said, "No, don't give him an ultimatum," have been those on this board and my DB coach, Jody. I trust Jody, and I trust the cumulative wisdom on this board, so that verifies my impression from God, and I don't have a problem telling others who want me to light a fire under H, "No, that's not the message I'm getting from God right now." And...he's still going hot and heavy with OW (in fact, she is in town this weekend and I am sure he is in bed with her as I type this) and I haven't seen any sign of reconciliation or giving up OW yet, but...he is stil living here, a year post-bomb. Still sleeps in the same bed with me but won't touch me. Weird, eh?

Again, this is a decision for you to make, and it doesn't preclude a few reasonable boundaries, but I think your best hope is to just sit tight and see what tomorrow brings. One day at a time! Don't do anything when driven by emotion. Just wait for things to become clearer to you.

Peace,
Dawn