It might take her months to be affectionate. She's testing you. Not intentionally. Subconsciously. She's trying to see if she can be herself, & if the "old" you will show up. Just keep doing what you're doing.
I can hear the frustration in your voice. You are being everything she wants, now you want her to be everything you want. Goldey is right, you may not arrive at the same place, at the same time. You've been on a different page from her for a long time. It takes time to heal. She is healing right now. Don't expect your M to be how you want it right now. Just count the baby steps, & look for teeny tiny forward progress.
H told Doc for months that he felt like he was "on probation" with me. In a way he was. I need to see sustained changes. I still do. I still am afraid to be transparent with him. I was talking to him on the phone earlier, I said something, his voice changed.....he got his "interrogator" voice on & I felt my emotions that had been opening up, shut down again. It's hard to change those dances that you've both been dancing for so long.
You are in there for the long haul right ? No matter how long it takes ? Think about it, people work on their marriage their entire lives together. Just keep imagining the two of you, in your 80's holding hands while you stroll together.
GPS
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
