I have read through (and lived) the posts on this topic.
Look, if your WAS is having an affair, there is NO EXCUSE for that. Trying to "be their friend" only hurts you and validates their actions. You cannot possibly hope to salvage or recreate your M (D or not) if your S/xS is still involved with another person.
All this touchy-feely "feel sorry for their guilt and pain" stuff makes me a little ill--a spouse who is cheating on their M is not worthy of your respect or time. Ignore them until/unless they end their other R, then you can rebuild if you still want to.
