I was unfaithful

[Steel_Box]

BTW alot of people here can offer some great advice. Sandi included, but you have to listen to them.

I'll offer a little bit from my limited knowledge. It will take a LONG time for your H to get past this. If he even suspected that something was going on despite your denials, for the whole time until you admitted to it, you can count those years as part of the affair. I'm not saying that you did anything more with the OM during that time, but the deception continued and that grew inside him.
I say this from experience, as a LBS, and you need to understand the magnitude of this. My W and I have been back together for almost a year and I still deal with her betrayal fairly regularly. Now when it comes up it is not painful like early on and I deal with it much different than before. I have forgiven, but not completely forgotten. No matter what you do, this is not something that will go away quickly, or fix itself, it will take TIME and PATIENCE on your part.

You need to start over, the idea of having no contact whatsoever is incomplete. Its not that you can't have contact with him it is that you can't have contact with him the way you have been. YOU have to change. YOU have to be different.

Two days ago I decided that in order for me to heal, which will enable him the space to heal, I will have no contact WHATSOEVER.

Now hear me out, but, I find this a bit self centered. From the outside point of view (mine)this says that the only reason you are giving him space so that he can heal, is because it is what YOU need. Not, because you understand that he is in pain and that you want to give him space to figure things out. See the difference. It is a small difference in wording but a huge difference in understanding.

I believe that you are sorry, and I think that you are trying to do the right thing, but you are going about it all wrong. Try to approach this from a position of correcting the things you are doing wrong, not from one of doing what you need to do to get H back. If you don't fix YOU it won't work. He fell in love with you before and it can happen again, but not without changes.

Keep working