Can't I Take Away All This Pain

[Sugar and Spice]

Corey, I hope you realize that in NO WAY am I ever telling you that you are wrong. There is no right or wrong here when it comes to your emotions. You are free to feel whatever you are feeling - you have that right as we all do. I'm just trying to help you see what I see from the outside looking in - the things that are NOT helping your sitch. On both sides - H's as well as yours.

GF, I know. Don't ever think I don't know that you are only trying to help me....

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So why allow it to build? Why let it get to that point? Why not take charge of YOUR LIFE - right now? Why keep putting your life, your well-being on hold while waiting and waiting for H to hopefully come around? Do you think he's doing that for you? He's not, and you know it. He's out at the card room with the stupid a$$ Troll, blowing money together...and calling YOU to help bail him out.

I have always been the type of person to just allow it to build up and then blow. The thing that is happening this time is this...I'm mad, I've allowed it to build, but instead of wanting to be mad, I'm just indifferent. I just don't care. I know hes not done/doing ANYTHING to help himself. I know that this is the life he has chosen, I get it.

Do you HONESTLY think things are going to be any different once that baby is born? Whether he is the father or not?

Nope, I predict she will be pregnant again before the year is out. Nothing is going to change, its all just BS. His C is eventually going to get tired of his BS too. Why try and help someone that doesn't want to be helped? He pays it lip service, but I'm not buying it. I'm just tired and need some space while he does whatever. I need some peace.

He hasn't called all day and neither have I, I don't have anything to say to him. He called to tell the kids goodnight tonight and I had nothing to say. He actually had the gall to say "I love you" when we were getting off the phone and my reply was "bye." Then I shut it off. Silence speaks the loudest.