Chazz-- I remember having a similar discussion with you about organized religion a few (more than a few?) months ago....I can see that you are still seeking.
I think that church is a vehicle toward God; it puts people in the proper frame of mind. But it is still an individual relationship that each person has to develop. I think that church is a social structure, for and by people of like-mindedness. It helps get you were you are going, but its not the destination itself. Does that make sense?
With your search, I am surprised that your recovery program doesn't fulfill your needs, since it doesn't sound like you particularly need the social outlet. Again, the relationship with God is personal... I didn't go back to a church until my spirituality was reawakened through the program. My choice to go back and learn more.
I still feel a distance to God. But I also recognize that there were too many things that happened in my recent journey to chalk it all up to happenstance. Too many good things. I don't know if it is a benign benevolence, or some kind of global interpersonal connection that we don't fully understand, but there was a plan, something that reached out to me when I was at my lowest, willing to leave this earth. What am I saying here in the ramble.....well, in Church, I don't find God. But I find a lot of other people who try to reach Him, who are walking similar journeys, and it makes for better company along the way. I happen to agree with you, as far as the notion of attraction over promotion.
I usually pray only for His will. This last weekend, I prayed for a soft place to land, someone to come into my life and be that. We'll see what comes of that.
