OK, I need some help here. Oh really Dan, we all thought you had your life all together and were riding it off into the sunset.
Hah!!
My W is in Las Vegas this weekend until Tuesday with her OM and is pissed at me for not keeping it a secret as she feels judged by her family and has her entire life. Of course, one might add that if you don't want to be judged, don't do certain things.
We talked about this after she was done wishing the kids goodnight, and if I can read into her tone etc., it seemed as if she was either feeling a little guilty or that perhaps things with mister wonderful aren't as 100% as she thought they were going to be. She basically hinted that if I'd only kept her secret, she might be reconsidering.
!!!!Spoiler alert!!!! I'm not stupid even though I pretend to be often.
I kind of sort of remember us having a discussion a while back about not telling the kids that she was going away, I don't remember her specifically saying anything about the relatives. In either case, is there any way to know whether she is only trying to manipulate me to avoid the internal pain of feeling judged by her family versus an honest uncertainty about the path that she has chosen or is she perhaps uncertain because she doesn't feel in control of things any longer?
In fact, I think that she badly miscalculated how I would respond to her behavior. I truly don't want this divorce and I still cry plenty of tears over it. However, I'm also pursuing it with determination and a certain single-mindedness of purpose. If she expected the thought of divorce to leave me impotent and frozen in place, she was wrong. Then, also, her imagined happiness is a bitter contrast to sitting at home after the kids are in bed contemplating the bone dry bottom of my love tank. I hate to say it, but, I would find this whole situation easier to deal with if she were miserable also.
So, to recap, is she toying with me and my emotions because she misses the sense of control that she once had, because she is truly uncertain, or because she just wants to avoid feeling judged by her family?
