For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diciotto

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Bud, I gotta say that you have drama. But can I ask you to do something? Take a step back and re-read your post. What worked for you? DO MORE OF THAT. As I see it, it was being there for the K's (even if they do not call, they know you are the rock - that showed tonight, right?).

Do not (cause as you know it will bother you to no end as it does me) try to figure out / read W's reactions, attitudes, or anything. It will just keep driving you

Glad Halloween worked out for you as it did - sounded ok in the end.

[Sugar and Spice]

H4H glad you had a good Halloween and went out for some fun (just keep it friendly, but not TOO friendly).

Listen to Lost on this one. We have to start doing more of what works and less of what doesn't. I had a major Wicked Witch of the West moment last night and today, but don't regret it for a second. I don't think I am cut out for this stuff anymore...it hurts too many people, too much.

Keep up the good work and correct what doesn't work. ((hugs))

[hopeful4her]

Hey peeps. Not having a lot of drama tends to make for boring posts. No drama good!

lis, not sure what YOU thinks is working for me, 'cause I sure as hell don't know. I did catch up on you just now, I just didn't post. Your getting good support. Now you can see how tempting it is to just freakin' walk yourself. Trying to figure out WHY we love these jack asses! I know I can't figure it out.

I know my kids love me to death. I hurts to see little ones hurting. I have to remember that D11 feels the same way too. She is making more friends and I'm proud of her for it.

Suga, I haven't read your stuff yet, but I will. Sometimes its ok to be a bitch, or for me, being a dick. Were only human. I think trying to stay away from the wife is helping me. Hope your doing the same.




After I got off work early yesterday, I came home and fell asleep. I was wanting to do so much around the house, go drive out to San Marcos...

I just fell asleep. Got some rest. When the girls are not here, I sleep like crap mostly, so I needed it. My bud that was calling me Friday night called me again and woke me up. He wanted to go hunting and invited me. We went to some property that his dad owned in the Hill Country about an hour away. Since his dad passed away, it is his now. We used to go there all the time when we were in high school and college. Drive out, make a fire, barbeque something and drink beer all damn night. Little cabin is nice too. Going out brought back a lot of memories. The area is just like where I currently live, but it is about 20 acres. I live on an acre. I took the wife and Miguel there when he was about 2. That was the last time I had been there.

We talked about our wives a bit. About how much we have changed since our crap started. How we are better off. We have both found ourselves again. We both told each other that we are doing good, we just wish we could stop thinking about the wives.

He is the one that kept his kids while he and his wife are separated. Of course, we all used to hang out together.

Talked all night, drank all night, barbequed as usual. Before we barbequed, we drove into this little town called Sisterdale and hung out at a bar and watched my Longhorns go down in flames. At least it was to Texas Tech, but it still sucked. Damn good game.

Afterwards, we hunted for about an hour and that was it. No deer out, but it was good to be out doing the guy thing. We barbequed some chicken and shrimp and then went to sleep.

Something I stopped doing years ago. Things that made a difference in the relationship with the wife, I think. I stopped doing things for myself. Guy stuff. That kind of stuff matters, I discovered. I NEVER went out with the guys. Will be doing more of it from now on. I know OM is the outdoor kind of guy. Not doing it for any other reason than for myself, though.

Had some texts between B and I last night. Never came up as to what I was doing. This morning she called me and we talked a little bit. She was surprised that I was out hunting, too.

Anyway, we get back and I go to the grocery store in preparation for the coming week with my kiddo's.

I can't wait. I should make the wife bring them to me. I always pick them up or leave them off. Will figure that one out later.

[yenko69]

H4H,

It is good to go out and do guy things. Something I have been missing for some time. I have been able to spend more time working on the car and I am going to do some bird hunting this year (pheasant and quail). D11 wants to turkey hunt sometime, so I will take her next spring. Not much for deer though. I have hunted them, but never got into the taste of deer.

Take care of yourself and the K's.

[whatdidido]

You know what I will say. I'm so glad you went out with your guy bud. Do more of this. Focus on you and the kids. Stay away from B. Why are you texting her and hanging out with her? I know why. BUT You know it's the worst thing you could do right now. She likes you. You are lonely. You are playing with fire.

[kat727]

Yeah, what is that about gasoline and lit matches... oh yeah, boom!! (someone said that to me recently, I need to hear that sometimes too)

Glad you turned your Halloween around and were with your girls. Enjoy the week with them now.

kat

[hopeful4her]

Thanks guys.

I know. KABOOM!

That's the thought I'll keep in my head.

What a wonderful and strange day.

Work sucked because my computer was down all damn day. Nothing. I worked on a lot of paperwork, so boring as hell and threw in some sales calls.

I got a message on my phone about someone wanting be a friend on FB. Two actually. Waiting on pics, yenko.

The other was another really old dear friend that I haven't spoken to in years. We met when I worked in the theater business in high school. We stayed friends ever since. We even played rugby together later in years. May have been about 9 years since we spoke. We lost touch when he ended up moving to Kentucky for a while and now he lives in the Houston area.

We messaged each other a couple times through FB and then he called me.

Not to go into too much gory detail, but ends up he went through the same thing in his marriage a couple years ago. She wanted out, possible multiple affairs, they separated for maybe 7 or 8 months, she filed, he counter filed....

and today, they are making it.

I found this all out after I had given him the Cliffs Notes version of my sitch. The way he was responding to me and the questions he was asking me were very curious and then he laid HIS sitch on me. I told him about my temptations at this point and the ABC girls. He basically ministered to me. He told me to stand strong in the storm. He has been there.

All the same things that you tell me, beej. The same.

Someone in my real life has given me words of hope. Someone who has made it, too. He didn't sound very religious at this point in his life, but I told him that it was NO coincidence that he had felt compelled to contact me after so long. Something from above, and he agreed. We talked for awhile and promised that we will keep in touch. I finally got my computer working(after we closed) and thanked him again for contacting me.

Those coincidences that are not coincidences but signs from above. I love that guy. He was like a brother to me.

And he still is.




Pick up my girls. At the daycare, I called the wife. I wanted to find out if I needed to pay or if she was. No answer. I left no VM. I told the daycare that I'll pay tomorrow if needed. They were cool with that. Go home, cook up some steaks and steamed rice and watch The Hulk.

During the movie, I get a call from the aunt in Laredo. She tells me that she had gone to visit the wifes dad in the hospital. I was surprised to hear this. I hadn't heard anything about it from the wife. The aunt goes on to tell me that she still has had no contact with the wife and that my FIL's wife tried to call my wife sometime last week, when he was admitted on Tuesday! No response from the wife and now they are upset. I talk to the aunt for a while and I let her know that I'm sure that maybe the wife just didn't get the call or message or whatever. The aunt is still upset with my wife for our sitch. I tell her that I may call her and let her know just in case.

I call FIL's brother who lives in San Antonio. We talk for a while and come to find out that the doctors did not expect FIL to live through the weekend. And no word from my wife. He says that she needs to get in touch with him.

He had no idea that we were separated. I had to let him know. He starts to ask questions that I, for some reason, was a little uncomfortable talking about with him. I don't know him THAT well. Did I have someone else, did she. What happened, blah blah. I allude to the fact that there is someone else with really saying and change the subject. He asks if we at least talk and I tell him we do. He asks me to ask her to call her dad. I tell him I will.

Then I call the wifes older sister. THEY haven't spoken in months either. Now the older sister is no angel. She is the mother of nephew, who we took in two years ago. I ask her how she is doing. She says she hasn't spoken to her sister or their mother in sometime. She says how surprised she was when she found out what had really happened. Never would have expected that from her sister. Never. I tell her the same thing I told the uncle. I love her but can't do anything to fix her or change her mind about anything. She thanks me for always being there for her sister, especially when she was sick and thanked me for taking care of her son. I let her know that we might visit her over the weekend.

I call the wife finally. Maybe I shouldn't have but I didn't want anything to happen to her father and her not realize it.

I don't think that would have been right.

She sounds like sh*t. Still sick. I ask her if she has spoken to her father or his wife. She says that she spoke to her a couple weeks ago or might have been just last week, she says. She says he called her today, but she missed the call. She was going to return the call but it got too late. I ask her if they left a VM. She ask why and I let her know that I spoke to the aunt, that his wife supposedly called her either today or last week and that their calls were not returned. I let her know that her father has been in the hospital since last Tuesday and is still there and that they didn't think that he was going to last past the weekend. She listens to her messages while I'm still on the phone. She says the VM from today was from his wife and just says to call her.

"I'm going to call right now" she says.
"Find out what the heck is going on."
"I'll call you back."

After 15 minutes, she calls back. She says the wife IS upset with her, that she says she called her Thursday. She says she has been getting a lot of bill collector calls and maybe didn't recognize the number. She sees the missed call now, but the lady didn't leave a message. I tell her that the lady SHOULD have left some kind of message. Now the wife is getting upset. That she guesses she screwed THAT up too. The she has a lot going on with trying to run a household and a job. She is starting to cry. She asks what the aunt said and I tell her what I had already told her.

I know she is wondering why the aunt is calling me. I didn't give any details other than what pertained to her dad. I ask her if her dad would be able to talk on the phone. She tells me that no, besides she wouldn't let me. I just kind of listen to her, because now she is starting to cry more.

"I need to let you go. I'm sorry", she cries to me.
"Okay, bye."

Should I have not called her? Not that I'm feeling bad about it, just wondering what ya'll think? If I'm bringing drama to myself?

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Hey bud. Been a few days...

Personally I would have done as you did. right? Who knows, but I still see in laws as family.

FWIW...

Take care. My brain hurts today!

[Sugar and Spice]

H4H I agree with Lost. I think you did the right thing by calling her and telling her.

Watch out for the ABC girls...they are FLAMMABLE.

[hopeful4her]

Thanks for the input.

I thought this looked confusing,

I ask her if her dad would be able to talk on the phone. She tells me that no, besides she wouldn't let me.

This was her telling me that the father's wife wouldn't let her talk to him.

I plan on having a great day tomorrow. I hope everyone does too.

BTW, yesterday afternoon, I watched a movie called "Lars and the Real Woman".

It was funny as hell! I'll have to finish "The Hulk" later, because of all the phone calls I had tonight. D11 liked it. She said it made her feel powerful. D7 kinda liked it but you could tell it scared her a little.