I don't understand you. You went for three years in an affair. Then you finally come clean and tell tell the whole story and he leaves. I understand you being upset at him leaving after he promised not to if you would be honest with him. Which tells me that he must have suspected that you weren't--if he kept bringing it up. But this is what you said in the first post of this thread:

Quote:
I have done everything possible to get him back.
If you mean you have done everything wrong to get him back.....I agree. But you have not used the DB techniques. When you are encouraged to detach, you say it's too hard, etc. Now you are the one hurting and don't want to continue. Remember what he went through for three years! But, now you are the one hurting, so I suppose the rules should be different for you? Maybe he wants to experience some of what you had. Maybe he wants to punish you. He probably does want to see you paid back for some of the hurt you put him through.

Why can't you do like the book instructs you to do and the people here are trying to tell you instead of just throwing in the towell and saying "it's too hard and I'm hurting". Frankly, I don't blame your H one bit for what he is doing b/c I think he is reacting normally considering all he has been through. I don't think he should have promised not to leave if you told the truth and I suppose he thought he could stick it out and he also discoved "it's too hard". As far as wondering why he had sex with you....have you stopped to consider that is the only time you came close to trying to do what you were advised by stop acting like you were married to the guy? He might have had other reasons for the sex, but we will never know. However, what did you think would come of that? Did you think he would move back home the next day b/c you had sex with him? He is way not ready for that! But instead of being more determined than ever to follow the DB principles, you decide that knowing he is out with other women is too painful and you can't go on like this. It hurts when the shoe is on the other foot, doesn't it?

Well, I hope you get a counselor and get some help, b/c you certainly need to stop thinking about your pain and face reality and leave the man alone, for crying out loud. We have tried and tried to tell you that was the first step--was to leave him alone. But, you know what? You don't want to. In fact, I don't think you want to deal with anything that is hard. And I can tell you that DBing is very hard. You were the one that did wrong and why you can't seem to give him space and time to learn to get past what you did and get it worked out in himself.....but no..you want all to be right with the world in the snap of your fingers. It doesn't work that way. You caused a lot of damage! You broke a family up. It was you....not him. You broke his ego and his heart. So, that is the results and you can either learn what DB is really all about and do what you are suppose to do and stop doing what you aren't suppose to ......or give up and continue to feel sorry for yourself. You are no good to yourself or your children feeling sorry like this. You don't want them to know what you did, but whether you realize it or not, you are make your H to be the "bad guy" in their eyes. True, he has to do the parenting, but they are seeing you fall apart, and you are smart enough to know that they are very upset with him for hurting you. If you are very smart at all.....you won't keep playing that card. If you hope to have a future with this man you claim to love, you'd better stop this stuff and wise up and start to work. But, if you throw in the towell, then I was wrong about you....you are not smart at all b/c if you were, you'd know that does not stop the pain!

The one thought that keeps nagging at me is that you may be a very, very self centered person that wants everything her way and everyone cattering to her and when things don't go to suit you.....then you throw a pity-party or a fit or you do something else to get your way.....or you are through.

You probably won't be hearing a lot out of me any more. I thought I could help you and I wanted to, but you can't stop thingking about yourself long enough to listen to anything anyone is trying to tell you. I hope you are not really like I described and I hope you will prove me wrong.

Anyway, I wish you peace with whatever you decide.






It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!