Awww.. he's a sweet guy, conscientious, in his early twenties, divorced with a little girl. I treat single dads with a type of reverence now.
I'm hanging out at home, giving out candy, dressed as a witchiepoo. As my daughter left she encouraged me to wear something Halloweenie. You never know who you're going to meet.. so on went the dramatic makeup, embellished the costume and smacked on a passle of positive mental attitude.
I hear my daughter's cellphone going off and mentioned it to her. I thought about not saying anything but did. I could hear her voice fade away and her speech become much quieter. Her food was ready so I took it out of the oven and into the room where she was talking.
She was in the very corner, her back to me (even though I'd been on the other side of the house). I could hear her father's voice on the cellphone. I put down her food, and left.. feeling sad.. that she feels she has to hide she's talking to her dad, protect herself, protect me.. I don't know. DROP THE ASSUMPTIONS!! Her voice was hesitant and monotone while talking to him initially, but I just heard a soft giggle which is good.
Hi K, that's normal. The kids protect the one that they feel is more vulnerable and -excuse my word- weak. My kids did the same when I was a mess and they were only 6 & 5. I think it's something they do without thiking about it, instictively (sp?).
So, the best way to get your kids out of this awkward position is to make sure they see and feel you strong and happy again. How is that for a motive? (another one) Love K
PS How is the singing, drawing,writing going? (did you notice you are now "The writer who sings"?)
Yup, they know who to protect. Glad she talked to her father and a giggle was heard. Good things. Now Gypsy can tell her daughter that she never has to hide the fact that she loves her father, that she can accept phone calls and not have to leave the room, that it won't hurt Mom, yet make Mom happy because father and daughter love each other.
But yes. LWB no like divorce either (adding foot stomp and crossed arms).
I read an article in a magazine this weekend. It talked about mutual friends in the middle of a divorce. They asked "Who do you comfort when you love both the husband friend and the wife friend?". It said most people go towards the one hurt the most, the one left behind. I think the same goes for children.
I'm always so busy maintaining perceived boundaries.. like keeping them out of the middle, not asking the kids what's going on with their dad, (I get steamed thinking of how he tells them to get things from the house for him without notifying me).
Am I weak, is he having them keep secrets? I'll be the strong mom.. ta DA!
The writer who sings.. has a ring to it. Lots of creative outlets are bursting forth, that's for sure.
All great points! I think there's a fine line between recovering from hurt and lapsing into the victim role. I plan to stay on the recovery side.
I'll do what you suggest with the kids, my daughter especially. I don't talk to him and avoid emailing. He thanked me for my consideration and helpfulness in letting him pick up his snow tires. It never occurred to me NOT to give them to him.
I loved trying to make a whirlpool in a swimming pool. Hordes of kids would all band together and move in unison around and around the pool backwards while rowing with our arms to create a current. If we tried hard enough the momentum would take over and we'd be swept away to float and swirl drawn by the water we stirred.
That magical moment happens in choir at times. Sometimes when I sing my voice melds with the others creating this beautiful swirling feeling, much like Charlie Brown's first kiss (4 minutes into the clip). I revel in those moments.
Today we sang for the Bishop, the choir director (former Broadway etc etc etc professional) organized an incredible concert in the afternoon and then I went on to learn more about Gregorian chanting. All in all a very musical day.
During the performance tears started rolling down my face as the theme of one of the songs touched me. It brought forth memories of the bomb, the last hug he gave me (that I asked for) and him saying "It will be okay. We both have a lot of life to live."
Kathleen let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let go let goooooooooooooooooooooo.
