light (albeit dim) at the end of the tunnel

[Dash]

I think that sentiment "they never grow up" is a comfortable one, and is a good justification for giving up and moving on. and it might even be a valid justification. I heard the same from lots of people. My cousin: "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

I don't know if I believe that. I think it's deeper than that. I think good people do stuff that isn't nice, because they are hurting or scared or broken. And I think people can heal and change and improve.

My therapist said she never uses the term "a leopard can't change it's spots" about people because people aren't generally spotted.

She went on to say that people who want to change (learn the tools to be a better person) can do so if it's their desire, but we can't force anyone to realize they're in need of help, it's a realization that one must come to on one's own terms.

I believe people can change. But the desire to better one's self must be present. And I agree, I think most people who do things like cheating on their spouse or lying are trying to make up for some other hurt.

I know I hurt my W while we were married. Maybe that's something she just can't get over. I'm not saying what she did was right, but I can see how I helped push her into an R with someone else.

Even if I don't reconcile with my WAW, I have to thank her in some ways for showing me that I do want to be a better person.

What started out as a plan to "win" her back has now become a plan to be a better person.

Of course I still have a long way to go and I still backslide, but I'm getting better at it.

Now I just have to convince myself of that.

Dash