You are very sweet to be so concerned, seriously, and it doesn't bother me in the least.
I am defending some things like the nicknames, because I do them too and never thought about it as an issue until posting on this board. Whether or not they are healthy or not in the long run, I don't know...I don't think this is something I can actually deal with until and unless we make some progress in other areas.
I don't think he has been abusive in a way beyond any of the other MLC WAHs on the board. I mean the things he says are very hurtful, but they are in line with what the others tend to say as well. He hasn't raised his voice etc. since I've been in Poland. Even last night, the night that was probably the worst that I've ever had, he kept saying that he felt guilty and understood why I would be so upset. I told him he was mean, cruel, and selfish, and I cried and was generally a bit unstable...I did not yell though, or call him names or curse or anything...
So I do still want to save this marriage, but my short-term goal is to focus on the friendship, that used to be very real...I am not expecting what I used to expect, and have taken to heart the fact that I need to look at myself more. I know that things the way they are now are not sustainable. I don't want a marriage either where there is no reciprocity, and where there is only anger and resentment. I suppose that I still believe there is something more buried beneath. I do know that I will never forgive myself or be able to move on if I don't keep trying until things are either back on track or I can't take it anymore...
I will not push H to go to counseling anymore. The truth is that I probably could "make it happen", but it would be counterproductive at this point. I may talk to someone else in person, but I am going to wait and see what happens with the living sitch first as that impacts our finances.
I really do appreciate your concern Daisy. It's very kind of you, and I'll never take offense...:)
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
