I guess it's over

[Trixi]

Hey Esky-
Long time no talk to.
For the sake of clarification- my H hasn't talked about other women to ME for a long time. (Not since he announced back in March he had slept with the 2 girls 'half my age'.) But at some point he told his son he was "testing the waters." I did not ask *when* exactly that was said; I guess I could have grilled SS to find out timelines, but I didn't want to risk putting a black cloud over the evening.

Yes, I am stubborn (or stupid). He gives me just enough positive (or wishy washy) statements to keep hope alive.

With regard to us having stuff in common- we had the kids and we would go out and do stuff "as a family" when we were dating. We are both creative sorts. We liked the same food and tv shows. We lived together quite well. But, I lack the propensity towards physical things. He snowboards, skiis, wakeboards,golfs..stuff I don't "naturally" lean towards.

I think that he is out shopping for someone to replace me. And if he finds someone 'better' he will no longer be 'confused' and need time. How much does THAT suck?! I should say that I will be the "treat" or nothing. (I think that's how Kalni put it.) I could be wrong and he could be actually trying to take some time to think, but I doubt it.

He is a guy that is used to getting what he wants. I think the idea that I might not be there for him in the future hasn't really occurred to him. I mean, c'mon. He talks about how we can always get back together later, and then adds in as almost an afterthought, "if that's what we both want."

Honestly, I think it might do him some good to see me moving forward with my life. And the only thing that might actually rock his world is if he believed I was *really* interested in another guy.

I am NOT going out there to try to find someone that I can 'use' to scare my H. I am just trying to go out and have a good, fun, time. Having said that, if I did meet someone that turned my head, I am open to exploring possibilities. My H has strung me on a helluva long time. It would probably take a lot to get my full attention...I guess I feel like I am in a boat I didn't choose, floating down a river. Instead of fighting against the current, I am just going to enjoy the ride and see where I go.