And the fun begins....

[Livin4ME]

Hi all....so STBX is supposed to file today and he is not coming home tonight. So here's my thing....I know I gotta look out for what's best for my kids. And even tho I've been expecting this...it still does hurt alittle bit. Obviously. And I feel the evil me coming out alittle bit. I've told him what we were gonna do for the kids for trick or treating. Now he's playing dumb. Doesn't remember. So should I tell him? Or let him find us!?

[Chazz]

Confused...

If it were me, at this stage, I would probably try to keep it as simple as possible. I would just proceed with whatever plans and if he is there, he is there, if he is not, he is not.

I rented way to much space in my head to my ex for free. Frankly, I guess I still do as per my own thread about pain. A lot of that comes from me overthinking things.

Perhaps that is what is going on in your sitch. Hard for me to say. But again, looking back, I would have kept such situations simpler. Just focus on what is going right like the tick or treating with kids. And let happen what happens.

Ciao.

Chaz

[Livin4ME]

Thanks Chazz...
I agree...and that's where evil me comes in...too much time spent on him.
I'm still going to go on with the plans I had made and that I told him about. I think right now the best thing for me to do is not have any contact with him. I know I have to talk to him about the kids and this particular issue is about the kids. So that's where I'm having a hard time. Be his calendar like I usually am and remind him of what plans are when or not. I told my SIL (his sister) I don't care that he knows what we're doing, he already knows, just doesn't remember...I just don't think I have to remind him of it. We're just going to a couple houses here in the neighborhood, then to my SIL's house.

[Livin4ME]

I guess this is just me journaling...
The thoughts of loniness have started to sneak into my head. This is the part that's difficult for me. I love to cuddle. I love having that one person to talk to about stuff. I miss those things.
I know that I need to get out and do other things for myself when these moments hit, but it's hard with the kids. Especially this weekend cuz I have to study all weekend for my exam coming up this week.
And as happy as I am that STBX has filed and I can move on, I still miss having that one person here for me. I know I can go out and find someone to replace him so I can have that, but I'm not ready for another relationship right now. I want to focus on myself. But its still hard sometimes.

[~Sol]

Confused...

We all have those exact same feelings come to us. When they do come, just ask yourself what are you doing for YOU right now? The healing process is just that - a process - and we all have to go through with it. It's hard, yes, but soon you will see that you are your own unique person and you don't really NEED someone, but desire someone. When we are divorced from a long M, we need time. Time to be our unique selves again, time to be with friends, and of course time to heal. My biggest concern about getting those lonely feelings are figuring out a way to make them go away without setting myself up for failure by spending too much time thinking about it. So instead of thinking about being lonely (which I'm guilty of too) I try to think about what I can do to be a happier me. So I work on getting out of my shell by doing something new that I normally wouldn't do in order to grow as a person. It can be calling someone you haven't spoken to in a while (which is always good), to just playing with your kids at the park and enjoying the day.

This is all about working on you now. It's OK to miss having that one person, but it is not your stbx anymore. It will be someone that will care about you, someone that has to be special enough to share your life with. Just think about today, you'll do OK and leave tomorrow for tomorrow.

[Livin4ME]

Thanks Sol...even tho I know there are others that feel the same way I do, it's good to actually be able to see it.
So I love music...I'm always able to find some kinda song that seems to fit me for the day, week, month, whatever. Today my song is Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie.
I'm having a difficult time today. I'm trying to get my studying done and the kids are just being ruthless! I had just asked for him to give me this one weekend so I could get my studying done. He knows how the kids are. So now I'm mad. He couldn't give me this one weekend so I could study. His GF is way too important. I know I won't get any sympathy from him. He'll never understand. So I'm trying to take that anger I have for him over this whole mess to work harder at my class. I will do this. I will pass this final.
And even tho I'm doing this for myself, a part of me still says that when I'm done, it will be good to see his face just to prove to him that I could do it without him.

[LL44]

Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option.

Wow. Just wow. As mortifying it is to admit, I once asked my xH if I was 'still in the running' when it came to his decision making. I am so glad to be past that. Your one signature line says it all.

I still miss having that one person here for me

I feel this way too. But I try to think of it this way: the husbands we 'had' are gone. We can do this alone. If your husband WAS there, he wouldn't be helping. He would be causing your more anxiety. He is 'as is' at the moment. But yes, I know what you mean, you miss "old" husband.

[chicki]

Its great that you can go back to school.


I wish I could get a nursing degree. I already have some of the required credits/classes. But the time needed away for clinic hours, I dont have.
Maybe when as they get older.
I dont have anyone to help w/ the kids though.
I cant count on X for he gets off work too late and he lives and hour away.
Cant ask mom she has hands full w/ disabled sister and taking care of grandfather.
Not too mention not enough$. And w/ the way my credit is now, doubt getting a loan.

[Livin4ME]

ahhhhh! He just knows how to get me right now!! He just called to ask if he could take the kids to dinner with OW. We went over this last week. The kids would not be around her this weekend! I told him it would make things worse for my studying to have them around her this weekend. And he still calls to ask me that. I mean really?! And he actually tried arguing with me about it!!

[Livin4ME]

lbw, it took a long time for me to realize that and I've seen that quote so many times before...but over the last month, it really has hit home. I did the same thing...even asking him, who was I up against!
I agree...he would only be causing more anxiety if he was here. Just look to my previous post as proof!
Chicki...you can do it. Don't worry about the clinical hours right now..just get what you can in the meantime. Everything will fall into place. You'd be surprised at the doors that open up when you look into it. They've got all kinds of loans and grants out there. Right now, I'm about to get my phlebotomy certificate. It's been a 10 week course that I'm almost done with. Just go to school 2 nights a week. I have a week of clinicals afterwards that are gonna be hard because of the kids. But I've come this far with all these obstacles, I truly believe this is meant to be. After this, I'll be able to get a job at a hospital and most hospitals will help pay for future schooling in the medical field. My goal is to become an RN on a labor and delivery floor. This is just a stepping stone!!