The ow are in for the long haul....money and good times. They do not care if the mlcer is hurting, sick, etc. They do not act like the loving caring person that the spouses have been. They are not maternal and will not take on that role. They are takers, demanders, etc.
All they strive for is what they can get out of the person in crisis. Trust me, they are still doing what they've always done while your spouses and ex-spouses are suffering. They are also counting on them to feel a lot of guilt for what they've done and they play on that to keep them right there w/them. It's a game and a game that the op plays extremely well once they are further into the relationship, a relationship that is very questionable to all of us. Guilt and shame are the cards that are dealt to the person in crisis and it's hurdled at them time and again from the op once your spouse has joined into the relationship. This is why it's very important to give them a safe place to land, a place called home. They will all need this place because they become extremely fragile in the process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
