The weird thing is that even though I do have my faith in God, I know who it is my husband loves and wants to be with but he is paralyzed at the moment.
It is not in my hands, only God's and His timing.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Well, if someone told me that H should not be included in the holidays, then I feel sorry for that person
Once again, I fear that you have misunderstood me, and become defensive.
You YOURSELF typed on here how hard it is on YOU to have H do what he does on Christmas Eve/Day, that is why I suggested to change it up, do something for yourself, to make your holiday easier. If its hard on you, why should your husband get the 'easy' way, all the time!? That's all I was saying, MG.
For the record, my husband is now my exhusband, and he is invited to everything over the holidays, including him spending the night at what is MY house now, so he can be there when the girls wake up. It is no longer hard for me to have him around. We just trick or treated together, as a family, Friday night. But awhile back, it was just too painful and I made some changes so it was easier on me in some ways. But now, its all good again.
There are just some things that are out of one's hands such as where someone chooses to live.
Christmas is really about the birth of Christ and maybe we should be focusing on that more than who is sitting at the dinner table.
When I said it is hard to watch him walk away on Christmas Eve, I certainly do not mean I sit there and sob and carry on. It is not like that for me. Yes, it is sad but I am not in control over his actions. And I don't dwell on it either.
And for the record, I do what I have always done on Christmas Day, make a nice dinner for my family. There is nothing different about that and there is nothing I would rather do.
lwb--I am not a bitter person and the last thing I want to do is to push my husband away. That is not what Christians do.
You and I certainly have difference of opinions here so we shall leave it at that.
Thank you!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Leaving the door open for your Husband is a wonderful thing.
There is a difference between keeping the door open and pressuring him to join the family.
I am sure the MWG has made it perfectly clear that her Husband is welcome to join the family for dinner at any time, and IF he decides that he will not come for Christmas, then the family will still enjoy the day with or without him.
After we have lived with MLCBS for so long, and get to a point of acceptance of the situation, although hard to deal with at times, we understand that the MLC'er has huge issues, ones that have absolutely nothing to do with us.
Detachment is a wonderful thing.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I gave him a choice if he did not want to spend it with us that he did not have to. That is a 180 for me.
He has chosen to spend it with us.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
M, That's wonderful news. You've allowed our home and family to be the "safe spot for landing" and that's what is important. You've left the door ajar, but you and your family have continued to live your lives.
M, I'm praying that this holiday season will be extra special and magical for you and your family. I pray that he will see the light of your "lighthouse" and want to return home in the coming year.
I do hope that you will take some time and enjoy the season as well. You've had a full plate for such a long time and the load hasn't gotten any lighter. Hopefully the holidays will bring a much needed rest for you.
Hugs!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
HIs BP is something like 160/105, and he will not go to the doctor. Says he will not take meds for the anxiety because of the way they alter your brain.
Says he is unable to function at a job due to all of the stress, etc. Stress meaning money, his life, which he hates.
He continues to blame God for all of his woes and I have been keeping my mouth shut on this one because I know that if he would stop doing what he is doing, repent, things would begin to turn around.
There is a lot going on with him and each time we think he has crashed, it does not seem to be the case.
The other night, I received a text late at night that he sent which said, "Help me." I texted him back and heard nothing, called, nothing, called S18, and he was calm and said his dad probably drank too much. I said never assume, we should go over there and climb the gate as it is locked all the way around. He said no, let it be. Sure enough, h said he drank too much.
He said he really hates his life and sees no way out of it and that it is boring.
He said all he does is get up, watch tv, try and eat something (he says his appetite is very poor, eats a sandwich and that is about it), watch more tv, drinks about 6 beers at night.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
