As far as a new R helping us to move on, my concern is that it doesn't. It is a band-aid covering up emotional wounds that are gaping. There is no treating of the emotional wounds but using another person to try to hide the hurt that exists. If something doesn't go well, which happens in most cases, the pain felt is extremely strong and, if really honest, is really from the original wound (our original spouse). Plus I am afraid I may hurt a wonderful and kind person in this new R. I don't want to use someone else to help me get over my W.
MMF, this would seem to answer your own questions them. You must be finished with one before you can move to another. Esspecially if you are looking for a serious R. As much as you may feel a need for companionship, you cannot control when you are ready.
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MMF: You may be right, Imageer. Do you think there is also something more than guilt motivating her? When she says a lot of these things, it is more directing with a show of force (not harsh) than apologetic. Hers seems more disappointed in me for not fixing up the house (removing the wallpaper, painting, carpeting, etc).
Who knows. Maybe the house is a sore spot to her. Her actions would seem to be extreme compared to her complaint, but who knows what people dwell on. If you think it would help your situation, then fix up the house. If you are creative and work hard, it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Plus it has the added benefit of giving you something to focus on other than your W. I did a bunch of work to my place and I'm getting ready to do it again to my new place. yuo also have an advantage over me. You have 3 kids you can put to work. Kids love stripping wallpaper!
One of my central goals in this is to try to make me and my life more appealing than my Ws life. So I do the work for myself because I live there but I also do it to make the place look like a place she would want to live. I take great satisfaction when my place looks good and W compliments me on it. Which she has.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
