I don't know if I'm repeating myself but what kills me the most is that she is escaping into that game and doesn't think about our marriage or anything. She stays in her little world ignoring the rest of us for the most part.
I guess the only thing I can do is let her play the game and try to be a loving husband to her without touching, saying ILY, or asking her to spend any time with me. I think that was my mistake yesterday - asking her if she wanted to watch a movie with me. It slipped and I didn't realize I shouldn't have done that until after it was done.
I think I'm doing good otherwise though besides me leaving for a bit last night. I know she knows I am troubled and I know that isn't good. I'm supposed to show a happy guy who doesn't have anything bothering him.
To be honest, the only thing that would help me would be to be gone from the house. But if I spend a lot of time away, then I will be neglecting my house and kids. I almost wish that this was over so that I could cry it all out and get on with my life. I just don't know how long she is going to play this game and ignore the fact that we're married.
It's just unfair for her to do this to me. If she doesn't want to be married, just go. If she isn't sure I wish she would at least tell me what is on her mind. Not knowing what is going on in her head would help me either get on with my life or at least feel like I need to work on the things I should work on. I know I should work on myself and I am.. It takes time. At least if I had it in my head that she really still feels that things are over then I guess it would help me disconnect from her. I don't know, the weekends here are really hard.
I feel like I just want to forget her and go look for another woman. I don't like being alone emotionally or physically. It's not something that I would really do, but that is what I feel like. I feel desparate at finding something to make the pain go away.
Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now.
