Surrendering to hope

[istherehope]

So,

For various reasons I feel marginally better now. I still am not happy with the state of things, but I am more sure about the next steps that I am going to take.

Ali--I agree that this is not my fault. However I did say some very regrettable things last night to my H, and his behavior doesn't excuse mine...I told him that he was just very mean, that he wasn't the only person on the planet, and that I was sick of his midlife crisis nonsense. He said I was like Jekyll and Hyde at one point last night, and in actual fact this was how I was behaving. I am really embarrassed that I pushed so much to have Christmas together too.

Anyway tonight I am going to send H an email saying that while I may not agree with the decision to move out, I will respect his choice and be supportive in whatever way I can. I will also say that I'm content for now just to hang out as friends, and that while I like the idea of going to Portugal for Christmas, I want that to be something he wants to do, and not to do it out of guilt.

I do feel as though my world is falling apart in many ways, but at the same time I think that there is still a good chance that it can be rebuilt, if I truly let go of control...

ITH