Single parenting and dating again.....

[~Sol]

I guess I should have pointed out that its only flexible as long as both I and ex agree on the spot about who should take her for that evening or that weekend. We have a set schedule in our decree, we rotate holidays and birthdays, at least on paper, and we ask our D how she feels about the change, and most of the time she wants to spend it with me than with her mom.

With my ex working nights, my D technically is with me an equal or greater amount of time, she spends the nights with me yet goes to her mom's school district. Because mom works nights, no judge is going to grant my ex custody, on the contrary - it's me that will receive it if it comes to that. Now ex could get wise and get a normal 9-5, but she's very ingrained in that night shift lifestyle and earns more because of it. So I already have an equal foothold with my D spending 50% or more of her time with me while her mom goes to work at night. And while her SS18 is living with her, he doesn't qualify to be a guardian (given his party life-style.)

Now I can be a real a$$ and take my ex to court for primary custody, which would make my home the main residence and my D will then go to my school district, and my ex will become the visiting parent, and I can even get her for child support. We went down this scenario with the ex, she was not happy about it but rather violent and aggressive towards me - much like our past M. At the same time, I have thought about what is best for my D, who will help her with school, go to her school events, be the role model and not just a parent. She will be 10 next year, then 15, then 18 and off to college. Her mom has an unstable lifestyle right now, does not provide the time needed to nurture a 9 year-old, she sleeps in the afternoons after picking up D from school, and my D feels like she's alone with no one there to provide anything during the after school hours and her bedtime. At bedtime her mom gets up and jets to work and hopes that her son will show up in time to babysit when D stays over during a school-night. I don't like it, and I told my attorney about it.

My ex filed new paperwork - probably demanding some kind of support from me and is altering the original agreement we had. I'm waiting on my atty to tell me what she and her atty wants, then we will proceed accordingly, to a custody hearing if needed. I don't want to fight my ex on this - it will just be a nasty event - but what I feel is irrelevant compared to what's more important for my D9, so I try to remember that. My ex thinks she knows what's best, but she's not thinking about my D's future, only the present. My ex is ALWAYS just thinking of the present. I think of the present AND the future that I want for my D, it's important that she have the right role models in her life, and that she gets to college and has a happy and productive life. My ex has not once expressed any concerns about our D's future. As fathers, we know the kind of world our daughters are going to grow up in, and we have to make sure we prepare them and teach them about it. I just get frustrated that my ex isn't as proactive as I am or have the foresight to see things regarding my D's upbringing and future.