Sol, my concern re the flexible visitation is that it puts way too much pressure on your 9 year old D to make these decisions. When she says no to mom she feels bad. I question not having a fairly firm schedule in place because your D needs security right now and routine is security. In my case, I have the kids one week and during that week STBX takes the kids one set evening and the next week she has the kids and I take them one set evening during that week. Of course, when things come up we co-operate and come up with alternatives but the schedule stays the same most of the time. At some point or other your STBX is gonna raise a fuss about D not wanting to visit. I'd get a firm schedule in place in consultation with STBX and with input from your D. It makes life simpler, much more predictable and takes the stress and power of decision making away from a 9 year old who shouldn't have it in the first place. Secondly, be very careful about keeping track of how much time you spend with D versus STBX. If a court case ever ensues and you are not taking the child at least 40% of the time you can get hit with some hefty child support! My lawyer stressed that with me. It's also pretty darn rare for the man to get the child on an equal time basis so if you are getting that count your lucky stars! STBX may at some point figure out there is money to be made in having the child more often. If you can, get it all in writing with the assistance of a lawyer. I refused to leave my home until I had an SA in place, that's how strongly I felt about securing my rights with the kids. Anyway, just some thoughts!
