Now see what you have gone and done... Now Bworl is posting here.. and I am gonna be regulated to saying.. I agree. What a life I live.
I do find it interesting that Deb13 is posting.
So where to start...
I guess I would say.. I am only on the fence because of the "other" people involved. I don't want things to get taken the wrong way. It is not too far off from when I first started posting to you. How do you say things.. and not "offend". It is funny to me how life tends to work in cycles. You start something.. only to end up right back where you started.
This is hard for me.. but..
Off We Go...
"On my way to the movie theater I talked to stbxH. I think during our convo I asked him most of Bill's questions. I repeated myself about what I want, was very clear, tried not to accuse him about the past and let it all out."
I have been hinting at you.. for you to do this for months. I think about the time he kissed you on the stairs. I remember your reaction. Sometimes you can put people in a situation.. and everything seems "normal". I don't know everything that was going on in that moment.. but I can see his "heart" in that moment. DAM and all.. just reaching out. He just does not know.. how to "love" you. It's hard.. unless someone "guides" you. Trust me.. I know!!
"He was nice, wanted to talk and said that"
"he loves me"
And is struggling to find a way to show you that. We could apply "People say the damndest things.. when they don't know what to say".
"he wants the same kind of relationship I want"
At the same time... he is not really sure what that means.
"he would never come back if he thought it isnt possible"
Ready, willing and able. When that happens.. someone needs to lead. You got my vote.. thats all that matters.
"just as I tell him and show him I changed, I have to let him show me how he changed"
He showed a change.. in doing what he is doing now.
"he want us to go through everything and then leave the bad things behind us and take the good things with us"
I thought we started over.. after you made your first post here. I do get confused at times.
"his goal is to make this one year a milestone for us that will lead us to the best R possible"
He is so asking you to lead.. cause that is what you do. Nothing better.. than having someone.. follow along.
"he wants to do the work, he is aware it will be hard"
Cause he knows you. I have the sneaking suspicion.. he knows you really well.
"I need to tell him I am willing to try to allow him some room to act"
Cough.. Cough.. I am sick.. but I think what is stuck in my throat is.. Make a decision.. and look for him to act upon it.
"he doesnt want to tell the kids anything either nor disrupt their routine until we both feel its safe"
Right there.. he said it.. I will "Work" at your pace. I don't know.. I may christen this guy a Advanced DAM!!
"I have had enough of this crap and frankly I cant take anymore. I am about to go on a defense, "ptotect me" mode and go numb again... My way of caving. Right now I dont think that would be a good idea but it seems more and more likely to happen... "
People stand out.. when everything is against them.
I know that you are a stander outer.
Don't let your "Emotion" hold you back.
You know I am watching.. and the second I see things "go bad".. I am gonna tell you. I am gonna support you.
In the end.. you have to give this a chance. That is what all the "Work" was for. This chance. I agree the timing sucks.. maybe I should have been more clear. You have to find a way.. to not be numb. And finish what you started. I have said this many times.. I am not sure why you have to walk thru all this. But my gut is telling me.. there is a reason.
Don't make me go and change my signature.
"Maybe I will have a breakthrough moment tomorrow..."
How do you have a breakthrough moment?
You....
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
