Hi Al, I didnt have A bomb day. We were going back and forth for 5-6 months during which he wasnt talking about divorce or leaving. He did leave first time (after me pressuring him) to think about things on Sept 4 and returned home Oct 20 only to say after 3 weeks "he couldn't try". Then I pushed him to "stay or go" (he wanted to spend holidays with us as a "happy family") and he finally left Nov 17th (or 19th? Cant remember anymore, it was a Sat).
I sure hope it will look like a bad dream by the end of this month. I have had enough of this crap and frankly I cant take anymore. I am about to go on a defense, "ptotect me" mode and go numb again... My way of caving. Right now I dont think that would be a good idea but it seems more and more likely to happen... Maybe I will have a breakthrough moment tomorrow... K
Kalni, I am so sorry to hear you are not having a good day. You have come so far since the initial bomb and S. It's ok to have a bad day but you have to remain strong for your kids' sake. Take things slowly. Your heart will tell you if you are on the right path.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
K, Are you on to Shrek III yet? I like the music in it the best... I have been eating terribly myself. Now my kids have bags of candy all over which does not help...
Kalni, your stars for this week.. I couldnt have said it better myself!
3rd November 2008 - 9th November 2008
Being torn between two equally strong courses is tough, and it is especially tough for the celestial Fish who likes to swim in two directions at once! However, some choices must be made at this time, and you'll make them a lot better if you're out of the river of denial. Whatever the issue, it seems a relationship is part of the equation and absolute honesty is mandatory. Whether someone else wants to break a commitment or make sweeping changes or because you need some space and different options, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. Something's got to give. Don't look to other people for answers: you have them.
Well, crap, Ali! How does that apply to my sitch, since I am a fish, like you guys, too?
{{{{{Hon}}}}}
I am so glad to see all that you and H talked about!! I am seeing so many positives and good things for you guys! I am still praying for the two of you, your little family, and your dad. How is he doing?
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Now see what you have gone and done... Now Bworl is posting here.. and I am gonna be regulated to saying.. I agree. What a life I live.
I do find it interesting that Deb13 is posting.
So where to start...
I guess I would say.. I am only on the fence because of the "other" people involved. I don't want things to get taken the wrong way. It is not too far off from when I first started posting to you. How do you say things.. and not "offend". It is funny to me how life tends to work in cycles. You start something.. only to end up right back where you started.
This is hard for me.. but..
Off We Go...
"On my way to the movie theater I talked to stbxH. I think during our convo I asked him most of Bill's questions. I repeated myself about what I want, was very clear, tried not to accuse him about the past and let it all out."
I have been hinting at you.. for you to do this for months. I think about the time he kissed you on the stairs. I remember your reaction. Sometimes you can put people in a situation.. and everything seems "normal". I don't know everything that was going on in that moment.. but I can see his "heart" in that moment. DAM and all.. just reaching out. He just does not know.. how to "love" you. It's hard.. unless someone "guides" you. Trust me.. I know!!
"He was nice, wanted to talk and said that"
"he loves me"
And is struggling to find a way to show you that. We could apply "People say the damndest things.. when they don't know what to say".
"he wants the same kind of relationship I want"
At the same time... he is not really sure what that means.
"he would never come back if he thought it isnt possible"
Ready, willing and able. When that happens.. someone needs to lead. You got my vote.. thats all that matters.
"just as I tell him and show him I changed, I have to let him show me how he changed"
He showed a change.. in doing what he is doing now.
"he want us to go through everything and then leave the bad things behind us and take the good things with us"
I thought we started over.. after you made your first post here. I do get confused at times.
"his goal is to make this one year a milestone for us that will lead us to the best R possible"
He is so asking you to lead.. cause that is what you do. Nothing better.. than having someone.. follow along.
"he wants to do the work, he is aware it will be hard"
Cause he knows you. I have the sneaking suspicion.. he knows you really well.
"I need to tell him I am willing to try to allow him some room to act"
Cough.. Cough.. I am sick.. but I think what is stuck in my throat is.. Make a decision.. and look for him to act upon it.
"he doesnt want to tell the kids anything either nor disrupt their routine until we both feel its safe"
Right there.. he said it.. I will "Work" at your pace. I don't know.. I may christen this guy a Advanced DAM!!
"I have had enough of this crap and frankly I cant take anymore. I am about to go on a defense, "ptotect me" mode and go numb again... My way of caving. Right now I dont think that would be a good idea but it seems more and more likely to happen... "
People stand out.. when everything is against them.
I know that you are a stander outer.
Don't let your "Emotion" hold you back.
You know I am watching.. and the second I see things "go bad".. I am gonna tell you. I am gonna support you.
In the end.. you have to give this a chance. That is what all the "Work" was for. This chance. I agree the timing sucks.. maybe I should have been more clear. You have to find a way.. to not be numb. And finish what you started. I have said this many times.. I am not sure why you have to walk thru all this. But my gut is telling me.. there is a reason.
Don't make me go and change my signature.
"Maybe I will have a breakthrough moment tomorrow..."
How do you have a breakthrough moment?
You....
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
