Can't they chill and let me be free?

[Sugar and Spice]

It's a two-way street, so it's not just your H who is at fault here.
I know he said he was going to be there, but even still, if you would act as if with NO expectations, then you wouldn't be going through this emotional hurricane and you would be less likely to react when he doesn't follow through.

I gotta disagree with you here. This was not a two-way street. I did not expect him to do anything. Expectation was created when he expressly told me and my S more than once that HE was going to do something. We did not seek him out nor did we invite him, he is solely to blame for this, not me.

As hard as it is, you've got to control how you react. Making him feel guilty might make you feel better, but how is it working for the R? From where I sit, it doesn't seem to be moving you towards PROGRESS, and shouldn't that be your goal?

I really don't care about the R today. I see clearly what it is that he values and where he places his priorities. That is fine. Its high time SOMEONE told this moron the truth. I'm tired of trying to act "as if" or whatever so he doesn't have to face that he is being a total POS. If he was only hurting me, it would be one thing, because this is the course of action that I chose, but when it comes to the kids, for me that is something entirely different. I'm not going to let him escape unscathed after DELIBERATELY hurting my kids, not going to happen. If that pushes him further away...so be it. I just don't care.

I think that was wonderful that you did the truth dart! I've realized that I've always tried to smooth over everything when H does stuff like that and now I see my D8 is doing that too with her dad. I resolve to do no smoothing and try to shoot some truth darts as you did. ((((Corey)))) Even if they don't work with your H, your kids see that and then don't kind of fall into the whole co-dependent enabling kind of behavior that some of us do.

Wonderful or not, it has to be said. I'm so sick and tired of making excuses and trying to overlook his BS. He knows he has a problem and does little to nothing to solve it and I have done what I could and tried to be supportive but he is a grown man, its time for him to act like one.

FWIW...We enjoyed Halloween, but it was a hollow joy and DD talked to the C about it today. I would never spoil their time because he is incapable of thinking about anyone but himself. I just don't have it in me to continue to lie to myself about him anymore....