Surrendering to hope

[AliSuddenly]

Hey ITH,
I was nothing but loving from May - November, when my ex insisted on leaving too, he was adamant and also pretty cruel at the time. He later went on to contact me (3 months later) bit by bit and we ended up with whole weekends together by June, 9 months after he left me. It always struck me that you two had not really had a proper split, he had valiantly tried to paper over hte cracks in his head.

You have to give him what he wants (or thinks he wants). I'm so sorry for the pain you are in, I know how bad it is, I really do, I feel for you. I sobbed for hours, every day, for weeks, months. Today, I cooked a curry, watched a great TV show, started a novel. I'm not happy, but I'm fine. Yuo wont stay this way.

What can you do? You have to let him go, you have to lovingly let him go. Its the hardest thing that you will ever do. None of us know whats in the future or round the corner, but for now, be kind, be his friend, dont be angry, dont make him guilty, accept what he is saying with your mind, even if your haart cant bear it.

Your H is VERY mixed up. He seems to have a tonne of issues, respect being one of them. He is non-communicative, he's not honest, he's a bit verbally abusive, he needs to learn humility and he needs space. You dont know what may happen if you actually lovingly give him the space he is asking for, thats all I can advise you.

Its positive that he said he MAY go to C with you - my ex flat refused, eventhough I begged him purely as a means of helping ME with the shock of the break up. I agree though that he cant 'face it' as he is so guilt ridden right now. You need to let him go and try not to be devastated right now, it will mean he wont be able to speak to you after he leaves. I dont know, he says some pretty mixed up things, so to get away, to give him what he wants right now is your only choice I think?

Really thinking of you ITH
Al xxx