I'm really low today. I'm missing my S16 like crazy and feel powerless to do anything to change the situation for the better. The different bits of my life are falling apart at different rates but all with a compound effect.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
A, The tone of the letter may be coming across that way because your h hasn't been completely honest w/his own lawyer. They don't feel the need to "enlighten" them on what they've been doing, but only what you can or cannot do, i.e., jump through hoops, walk on water, etc. They aren't rational, therefore, they aren't reasonable in their expectations of what we can or cannot do. They don't stop to think that there are steps that we must follow in order to get to the end result.
A, I don't think it was any one thing that has helped you since June. I think what has happened is that you've grown so much over the last six months and you have taken the "rose colored" glasses off and have been able to see the light of day in a more clearer way. I think you've finally come to realize that you've done all can to save your marriage and your family and yet, he's done absolutely nothing but tear it down.
A, definitely get something in place to protect you financially. It sounds to me like the bill collectors will be calling on your h very soon to pay up. You do not want to be involved in that mess and ruin your own credit/financial standing.
You've come a long way and have grown so much. Growing and spreading your wings will continue as you move along the path. We are always here for you, no matter what happens.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Snodderly I really appreciate you dropping by.
D13 is 'out for coffee' with MIL and H at the moment. It tears me apart when she goes for outings like this but I can't let her know that. I'm trying my best to encourage all of my children to maintain their links with thier blood relatives but it is so very hard when those very same blood relatives are quite literally out for my blood.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Well D13 just came home from coffee with MIL and H and boy did she have a surprise for me. Apparently H was talking again about the kids going to him for Christmas day. D13 said that MIL told H that he couldn't do that, he couldn't leave me by myself for Christmas Day (a bit like D18). He again said he didn't understand why as I would see them in the morning and they would be home in the evening. Apparently she just repeated 'you can't do that'. D13 still did not tell H that she does not plan to go.
I never expected my MIL to stick up for me in this way and frankly I am gobsmacked.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am so sorry you are going thru such a horrible time.
Your MIL is a mother and she understands what it would be like without having kids at home at a time such as this.
The fact that he keeps bringing up leaving you alone tells me that he just exists in a heartless manner. I actually feel sorry for him because there will come a time he will be so down and out and nobody will rescue him and he will see what it is like to be really alone.
It also shows me how miserable he is and he wants to make you even more miserable than he really is.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi ACJ, I am sorry you have had so much trouble lately. I am glad for you that MIL is taking your side. I hope for you that the kids will be with you at Christmas.
Life is strange, isn't it, ACJ? Just when you are feeling down, a little ray of sunshine shines your way from the most unexpected place. Your H is an @ss right now --- clearly, only thinking of himself, and not realising that you are the mother of his children, and will be forever more. So, no matter what, you have to be taken into consideration. He cannot change that history even if he wishes he could and seems to be trying very hard to do so. OW cannot change that either, and being mean, demanding, trying to steal your children will not change that either. But, your kids are not stupid, the meaner they are to you, and the more you take it calmly, the more they will see him and OW for what they truly are --- selfish, narcissistic, fools. He is not a nice person with OW around. He surely does need to change, but he won't while she is an influence in his life. Sounds like she is just out for what she can get, and if it means mucking around with your children, then so be it, but she doesn't realise that they have brains and know what's what.
Hope the rest of the weekend goes well. Thinking of you!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thank you for all your support. I find it so amazing that people who have never met each other (in the main) can provide such a haven of comfort and safety.
I'm not feeling quite so low today. Last night D18 and her BF called in for half an hour. It is his birthday this weekend so they are spending most of their time with him mum which is understandable. I mentinoned to D18 what her sister had told me about MIL backing me up for once. Like me she was amazed. She then went onto say that her and her BF had thought about things very carefully and asked what I would think if our family and her BFs family were to have Christmas day dinner together. At first I was a bit reserved as I wasn't sure whether my parents were included in this (and they normally come at Christmas) but when I ventured my concerns they said they were included in the plans. Thier plan is to cook the meal themselves at BFs mum's house (she has already said it's a good idea!). I might have had a lot of trouble with D18 in the past but she has come good now and I love her all the more for it. D13 was a bit reticent about the idea so I've not said yes for definate yet as I want her to be comfortable on Christmas day too.
I've spent the morning designing invitations for the Open House I have every year on New Year's Day. This was a new 'tradition' I started after H left (thanks W2S for the suggestion) and although it is hard work preparing for it I always enjoy it and so I've decided to do it again. I made all my Christmas cards months ago and so now I'm just putting these invites inside them.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
