Hey Bobbi, you sound stronger today. Sounds like you have learnt alot through all of this, as so many of us have, to face our faults and the root of those (I blame the parents too!). Cant believe you were so cool about him "feeding cows" till midnight, LOL!
I didnt have a Jack or a Martini, but I had some nice organic wine...
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
That is the line I am walking. Being a pleasant, happy, positive-thinking person, but not kissing h's butt. Like my friend Kalni has said, she wants to see a gesture from her H that show he is "IN".....I want the same.
However, in my case my H has actually said he wanted the D, until I went to the lawyer. He has been wishy-washy ever since..
We had fun last night with the kids trick or treating except for one comment I made (stupid me!) referring to H's looking for a new house. He said something back like yeah he needed a new one (the kids were in front of us and didn't hear) and I said well that answers that......He said,no, I just said that b/c this is not the place to talk about it and YOU said something first...
He said the other night that when I bring up anything like that (like the other night when I mentioned he needed his own car seats now), he felt it was a "dig" on him...so he gets defensive. I said it isn't a dig, it is just the facts if you are in fact leaving and we are going to D...
So last night I was a little irritable right before bed, b.c. I am thinking "I just told this man Wed night that I was at peace with going to the lawyer and doing this if I must, and he is just lying there half asleep on the couch like we are just a comfy little family??? WTF?"
I sighed and got up, said, "Going to bed??" H said, "Yeah, why? I don't really want to talk at eleven at night..."
I said, "Fine, I have my answer. I told you Wed. I was ready for the lawyer, I was going to be okay, and you do not have anything to say so that is that."
H said, "No, I didn't say that, I said eleven at night when I am asleep on the couch is not a good time to talk."
I said, "Okay, if YOU wanted to talk about it, what time did YOU set aside to talk about it?"
H says, "Tomorrow night." (Which is tonight)
We will see if he has actually got ANYTHING to say.........
Bbj, I can understand how frustrated you must feel. I've been there back before we separated.
We would have long discussions at night where he would say I am the meanest person, he wanted out, I had ruined his life etc etc., and then he would come to bed with me(at the far end of the bed), wake up in the morning and act as everything was normal until I would bring "the issue" up again. I think that is when I f@cked up in regards to DBing (16 months ago-I had no clue) because I was pushing and talking and demanding answers. I now realise he didnt have them, heck!! it took him more than a year to find the answers he was looking for.
I understand your sitch at the moment is a bit different having been through all these phases, but what you describe sounds so familiar, I couldnt NOT comment on it.
I fell asleep on couch at 9:45 (I had my SIL's D2 with my D2 and S6 all day, I was beat!)
H came in at 10:15 and crashed on the floor by the couch.
I woke up again at 11, said, "So?"
H gets up, mumbles, "Let's go to bed." And he gets in bed in OUR room......
So I got up and went to bed in our room, too. Was back asleep in seconds, I think.................as tired as we both were, it wasn't a good time to talk, but I also don't want to assume this means he is "in".
So this morning BOTH kids come in our bed--that almost never happens, and cuddle with H and I. Very nice....
I get up, make breakfast for kids, they spend the morning playing with their dad.
H is just leaving to go to farm. I get the kids dressed for the farm, and me, too. D wants to go see "HER" cow, Connie Cow. She says Connie talks to her.
I say to H, (while kids are in other room finding shoes)
"So, we didn't talk last night, but you came to our bed. Should I be making any assumptions here or what?"
H: What are you talking about?
Me: We didn't talk last night, and you leave tomorrow for L.A.
H: Yeah, what do you mean talk?
Me: Well I told you I was meeting with the L next week unless you had anything to offer in terms of our M, and you said we would talk last night.
H: Last night when we were both asleep?
Me: Right, so you came to our bed, what does that mean?
H: It means we still need to talk.
Me: O-KAY, you leave tomorrow.
H: Then we will have to talk tonight.
F it, I swear! WTF could he need to say. If he were wanting to stay, wanting to work on us, wanting me to NOT file, I would think it would be a BIT more important. Kalni's H was a confused guy for quite a while, but now that he WANTS it, he is making it very clear to her that he WANTS it. My H is NOT, all he did was come into our bed for the first time since saying he wants a D. For all I know, his back hurt from farming and he was tired of the couch.............
