She's moving out this morning...I had to fight the impulse to go over to the house this AM and tell her that I didn't want her to leave - didn't want her to make this move...and I managed to do it...instead I just went by the house, let her know I was on my way, and even picked up the pastries she had asked me to pick up for the friends who will be helping her move...
Once I got home...I tried not to talk with her...though I did slip some...just to tell her that I care about her, and told her that I was sorry that we arrived at this point - and that it's never what I would have wanted. I once again mentioned that I wanted what was best for her and that I understand that this move is necessary for her - just tried to validate anything she said...didn't try to talk about me or my needs - just let it be about her - I know she's in a lot of pain - and she has a game face on to get through the day...
As for me - I'm sad...still have that hole in my chest - but I don't feel the kind of overwhelming misery that I expected...that will probably come later...if it comes...I don't know...Right now I'm just going to focus on getting through the day in as healthy a way as possible.
There are severe thunderstorms up near where my S11 lives with his mom...may mean that his soccer game is canceled - at it may also mean that I won't see him until tomorrow...which kind of frightens me a bit...since I really don't know if I'm ready for the first night at home alone just yet...maybe I'll ask my friends if I can stay at their place again tonight...we'll see.
Please keep reminding me that I'll be okay - that I'll get through this - that this change, no matter what the eventual outcome, is for the best - and probably necessary right now...
