I think I may belong here.

[kelaaron]

J-I used to shower before bed every night because I come home sometimes smelling like saliva, puke, you know the drill. But I have problems sleeping with wet hair, I get very sore throat (a Taurus traight). So I don't do it every night but I need to start again. But it is good advice.

Thank you for saying that I'm not the same miserable woman. I'm not. I have dealt with so much within myself that had nothing to do with H, but me. What happened to me as a child, how I reacted to my life because of it, trying to do everything for everyone, being exhausted becuase of it, feeling like a failure cuz no one was really getting what they needed, especially me.

So I do take care of myself for the most part. Yes I still give to people, but not to the point of killing myself. That has actually been a very long journey that I was on for more than a year (since I was sick last year and MIL). But the final steps and my healing didn't happen until these last few months. I am finding the me that H fell in love with, with a few exceptions. She was still angry and didn't care about what other people wanted and was making herself happy for different reasons. Now I'm making myself happy because I deserve it. If someone wants to join the party, great, if they don't, that is their problem. I wish I could express how the anger is just gone. It just is. I have bouts on momentary for current stuff, but all of the anger from the past is just not there anymore. Neither is the fear. I guess for me that has been a real breakthrough. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I'm not afraid of whatever it might be. I'm just not anymore. That is wonderful.