I know it is getting harder for him to take these trips, he doesn't enjoy them anymore and sends loads of texts when he is away telling me how much he misses "home" and me and the kids.
Sometimes it is very strange, because I find myself somewhere between "normalcy" and "MLCBS".
There are times when things are absolutely perfect at home and it seems as though nothing ever happened. That we are the happy family.
At other times, when he gets into a "mood", like if work is stressing him out, or the kids have done something to make a huge mess or noise, I see glimpses of the MLC'er peeking through.
I like having a partner to help me with the home and the family. I like having someone to talk to that is over the age of 7. I like having someone to run errands with me. I like having the whole family around the dinner table.
But I also like my space, and my "me" time.
I had never been alone before MLC hit. I met my Husband when I was 18 and we had kids right way. And as you know, we kept on having children and I was always in my Mommy mode.
I do feel selfish at times because my Husband wants so much of my time. I feel as though he is trying so hard to make up for lost time, while I adapted to being alone and became OK with it. I stopped feeling as though I had to have him around to be happy, and learned to make myself happy, by myself.
No, I am not having a MLC of my own, I guess in some ways I am still trying to find a balance of sorts. Working has been good for me, it helps not only financially, but gives me a sense of feeling that I am being creative and I am doing something for myself.
I know I am just rambling now, but sometimes when I read the threads here, I want so much to tell so many of the LBS that there is so much more to life then our WAS.
That if we could just get it into our heads that this horrible experience can also be an opportunity for ourselves to grow and make changes and do things that make us happy.
That life doesn't mean to just exist, and count babysteps and wait by the phone to hear "their" voice.
I don't want to sound like a hypocrite either. I did the desperate wife thing, I refused to detach, I waited around like a lost puppy dog on so many occasions, just to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. I snooped, I cried, I lost too much weight and I watched life pass me by.
I wish I had spent more time fixing "me" not the Marriage.
Anyways, I am off to the store, we need groceries....again. I swear my kids graze all day!!
(((((huge hugs))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
